Eva Yang

Fellow Travellers

Fellow Travellers / Leave a Comment / /

Fellow Travellers

By Dr. David Nikles

Living Wholeness, with the Christian Wholeness Framework developed by Dr John Warlow, has irrevocably altered the way I have lived these last 20 years. Looking back I am happy to share some of the challenges and highlights for me personally. I hope to write a follow up piece looking forward and what I sense may be ahead from my CEO seat.

Back in 2006, when Susanne and I had been in China for 12 months, learning language, finding our feet and supervising some counsellors, we returned to Australia briefly, in part seeking good ongoing Christian Counselling supervision. Numerous people suggested we contact John Warlow but I knew from past experience it was never quick to get to see him. We only had 6 weeks before we needed to return to China. Finally, after one more person made that suggestion I somehow got his number. John amazingly said – sure – come see me tomorrow!

John faithfully not only gave us ongoing weekly supervision of our work, but became a lifelong friend, encourager, mentor, teacher and so much more. Over time and many skype sessions (remember skype!) he drip fed us the CWF. On invitation he travelled at least every year to China to assist our training and also made himself available to speak into the development of the China Christian Counselling Community often as plenary speaker. Those were epic times for me – significant stretching refining and hugely challenging. Yes, all the way I felt the Lord supporting and encouraging me to take these steps of faith, step out into the totally unknown, with Him, and see what would happen. It was way beyond my natural ability and quite amazing to see how He worked it all out.

And stuff happened! A group of us formed the China Christian Counselling Community, (CCCC) which grew from strength to strength and later birthed the Asian Christian Counselling Association. Some of us formed Dawen, a Christian Counselling Consulting and Training Company in Kunming China, which also grew and offered Expat and Chinese Counselling, and later CWF Training. The Lord invited me to leave my 20 years of medical experience and capacity largely behind and focus instead on mental health counselling supervision and training others. He drew me out onto the waters and gave me gifting in leadership and training beyond anything I had known. I was invited deeper and deeper into days of prayer, retreats with Him, and also more deeply into friendships with others.

On the inner side as per Psalm 26: 2-3

Test me O Lord, and try me, examine my heart and my mind;

for your love is ever before me and I walk continually in your truth.

I was prompted to open my heart to the profound soul searching spotlight of the Holy Spirit, exploring my circles and sectors and the personal application of the steps and other shapes. This resulted in much deeper understanding of the material and a deepening respect for its accuracy relevance and reliability, as well as a much great understanding of self. I found significant growth as I dug into the Spirit circle and became interested in the contemplative stream of faith exemplified by authors such as David G Benner. I found I was also drawn to the art of spiritual accompaniment and being with self and others in the Heart / Spirit Circle interface.

One wonderfully nourishing group I was part of for several years met as 4 guys, simply coming together to listen and be most present with each other as we shared new things in our lives, around 20 minutes each. After one had spoken we then sat, with the speaker in silent prayer, followed by just one well chosen hopefully Spirit inspired question we offered that speaker. Rich fellowship where the CWF helped me get more deeply in touch with my inner core.

I became aware of a significant hole in my love sector.  I spent many times exchanging my shame and receiving His love with a frequent Romans 5:5 prayer that the Lord would pour out His love into my heart by the Holy Spirit.  I developed the practice of casting all my cares on Him. There were MANY cares in those days – so much involved in leading Dawen Counselling Dept, and the CCCC leadership team, with the ever-changing Chinese context as a backdrop. He was my strength inspiration and wisdom So many times!

Again prompted strongly by the Spirit, with minimal having been written on the CWF, and no prior book writing experience, I felt a calling to put this systematically on paper, along with Susanne. This we did in 2010 resulting in the Cycles of Transformation, soon after translated to Mandarin. This book used to sell like hot cakes at the CCCC conferences and seemed to provide a resource where there was none. The cover painting was an inspiration from the Lord; He soaked my brain in that image for several years until I just HAD to try and paint it out.

The years went by. Dawen grew and became a strong base for member care and counselling for Chinese and expats alike. Around 2014 we sensed the Lord’s invitation to focus more specifically on teaching counsellors as numbers had joined the Dawen team to offer the coal face work by then.

A few of us, especially Harry and Susanne, developed the LWTP – Living Wholeness Training Program commencing with the first intake in 2015. What a brilliant learning and teaching experience that was. I found that the quintet of counselling, supervising, training, writing,  and personally applying the CWF synergistically moved my understanding forward.

The ethos we pursued was using team teaching, training people how to counsel, but also work through their own issues, how to lead groups, teach others, and develop a specific project of implementation. We raised up trainers from cohort 1 to co train in cohort 2 and onwards. Obviously most students were Chinese but the Lord opened up links with Nepal and Mongolia, some expat counsellors working in China, and a few others. These links have consolidated especially with  Mongolia such that Iggy and Tsatsa have gone on to develop the Mongolian Association of Christian Counselling and also offer Bachelor in Christian Counselling at MAGBS Ulaanbaatar using the CWF.

When Dawen was monitored, investigated and closed by the PSB in 2018, the Lord didn’t seem to mind: many people continued to be trained over yet another 3 cohorts. The Graduates went on to develop all sorts of ministries – Christian Counselling Centers, Transformational Home Groups (one lady ran a group with 20 people each day – like 6 separate groups a week for some years!) Some led CCCC. Some grew as supervisors. Some developed Childrens and parenting programs. Others worked in deep and life changing ways with disabled orphans and teens. Others planted churches and had missional and  pastoral oversight.

A great memory was the time, after we had been deported and still had to complete the final unit of cohort 2 of LWTP, we invited the whole class to another nation and put them up for a month, without phones in case it was tracked, and finished the teaching. It was a fabulous time when relationships deepened and love and trust flourished as the Chinese trainers were equipped and also grew as a team. Simultaneously training students and apprentice trainers after being deported was a big strain and unfortunately this was a massive load for Susanne who was the course developer and lead teacher. She continued to struggle with her health for several years subsequently.

Trialogue was a fascinating discovery. Simply sitting with someone as they commit their issues to Jesus and accompany them while He takes their loads, so often give them hope healing and joy for despair struggle and gloom, was profound. We offered this, demonstrated it, and taught it so many times with massive effect. One highlight was when we taught it at CCCC’s  10th anniversary conference and around 300 Chinese counsellors paired up and offered trialogue with each other. I had the sudden job of giving each pair a box of tissues – people often cry with the depth of release experienced. The whole room was in tears that day as God moved in the space.

The year 2017 was a big one. We had attended a Christian Counselling Leadership Summit and Conference in 2014 in Malaysia hosted by Dr Edmund Ng. While the general expectation was this would be followed up with another conference  2 years later, this didn’t eventuate, and a few years later the Lord one day gave me a vision of a soccer field with a stationary ball, waiting, inviting me to put it into play.  He impressed on me that if I was to host a follow up conference for Christian Counsellors across the Asian region it would be possibly the most important things I ever did in my life. What can one do! I spent time in prayer and bouncing ideas off with Chacko from India, the India Association secretary. He and Grant, my prayer partner, were a massive support, as were the CCCC Team who generously assisted with scholarship funds for numbers of nations’ participants, and really made the event financially viable. I think we hosted 167 participants in Chiangmai.

The big event arrived. Day one went well. Day two I developed a high fever and was quite sick. That evening I suggested Susanne sleep in a different room so she didn’t catch the illness.  As the evening progressed and my fever increased I began to wonder if the Lord meant this would be the most important thing I ever did because it was to be the last thing I ever did! A scary thought! I was stuck wondering if I should write her a goodbye note in case I died in the night or if that would be seen as a suicide note and so cause problems with insurance. Thankfully I was better the next day and could continue leading the conference – which Susanne had to take on at short notice when I was sick.

The reason for our 2018 China deportation was stated as ‘disrupting society using religion’ which we received a  5 years ban on return. The Lord had it all in hand and pretty much immediately opened a welcoming door in Chiangmai where we settled, spending half a year there in Thailand including with Ying establishing CCAT,  and half the year teaching in Bangladesh, Nepal, India, and Cambodia.  Interestingly when COVID hit in 2020 we had already made these connections which meant ongoing support and supervision could continue online. These nations also went on to establish Christian Counselling Associations and join ACCA.

Over time ACCA has grown substantially by Gods grace. We now have around 15 member nations and several exploring membership, regular webinars, a strong Board and Exec Team, great breadth of leaders, full registration in Philippines, and an upcoming 6th Regional Conference.

Leadership Roles of CCCC, ACCA, and more recently as CEO of Living Wholeness, have led me to the 5 S’s of how I do leadership.

  • Solitude- take time away from everything at least weekly (Withdraw in social circle)
  • Silence –humble myself in silent adoration confession and listening to Jesus (Reduce external perception)
  • Stillness – stilling myself so my mind is in receiving vs active mode (Thought Control Truth)
  • Submission- submit and commit who I am and what I am thinking about to Him (Control and Center)
  • Surrender – surrender – not my will but Yours Lord on this particular matter. The crunch. The difference. (Centre)

(I wrote this up in more depth in a previous article in Connect 2U)

Many the challenge where I have wanted a certain way or thought I knew best, even to the risk of losing relationship. It’s not a good way to lead! In one situation I was being pushed by another leader and felt unfairly done by and so was tempted to push back. God invited me to simply surrender to the person and Him, and let Him vindicate me. It had been an issue for some years so to let go was both hard and actually also a relief. The person soon left the leadership role and I had room to continue that ministry, in fact with God’s leading and grace I still work in that space now. Understanding the control sector was very helpful for me. Dominate vs surrender. And of course it involved Jeus as absolutely Lord in my Spirit and Centre Sector.

Fellow Travellers Read More »

Fellow Travellers: The Story of Living Wholeness

Fellow Travellers / 3 Comments / /

Fellow Travellers: The Story of Living Wholeness

By David Nikles

Dr John Warlow is the original developer of the Christian Wholeness Framework (CWF) on which Living Wholeness is based.  John was preparing for his psychiatry exams in the 1980’s when he ‘found’ the framework. John says he is more the ‘finder’ than the ‘founder’ of the CWF. God revealed it to him as a way to integrate biology, sociology, theology, psychiatry and psychology, to give a wholistic understanding of human nature. Although a few minor adaptions have been added over the years, the basic format remains the same as when John ‘found’ it.

Living Wholeness is the name of the Not-for-Profit Company registered with the ACNC in Australia since May 2019. This company forms the legal platform from which all Living Wholeness work is carried out globally. The Living Wholeness Community uses the CWF as it’s ‘operating system’ or ‘language’. Living Wholeness is also often used in the title of training materials.

Dr John Warlow is a Christian child, adolescent, and family psychiatrist. He was born in Northern India, to missionary parents, educated in Southern India and the UK. He then married Jill, a Kiwi/New Zealander, and now lives in Brisbane, Australia.  John teaches CWF within a Pastoral Care in Mental Health course at the Brisbane School of Theology. He also continues to see clients, supervise, train and develop CWF training materials for the Living Wholeness Community internationally.

Dr. Carolyn Russell is a Brisbane based family physician and counsellor, counselling supervisor and educator. Carolyn has journeyed with John for over 30 years now with CWF and was foundational in helping with the establishment of Living Wholeness in Asia. She is a valued member of the senior training team for Living Wholeness, training counsellors in Australia and the Asian region, and a member of the advisory board. She also lectures in pastoral care using CWF at Queensland Theological College, Brisbane.

Dr. David and Mrs. Susanne Nikles: David is an Australian family physician who entered the field of counselling training over the last 20 years. Susanne, also Australian, originally an Occupational Therapist, completed her Master’s in counselling in the 90’s. They were serving in China since 2005 and in response to the needs around them for personal transformation and counselling training, they sought a robust approach that could integrate psychology and theology. Dr. John Warlow introduced the CWF to them and has continued to journey with them as they learned and trained it in Asia for the last 20 years. They found it be most helpful approach to integrative Christian counselling they had encountered in their 30 years each of professional life.

As the work grew, in 2021, David and Susanne invited others who had extensive training and experience in using the CWF, and who had all served internationally, to become the Executive Team for Living Wholeness. The executive team oversee the strategic planning, development, and training for Living Wholeness, while the Board of Directors oversee policy, governance, finance, and strategy.

Broad Uptake: There is notably high uptake with Asian counsellors and pastors, which seemed to be because the CWF is a picture language, with shapes and steps, easily transferable across language barriers, theologically and psychologically robust, and personally transformative. Living Wholeness has also been effective in training counsellors and pastors and bringing personal transformation within wider Asia and beyond. One of the goals embedded in the trainings is that graduates take and train the material in their own language and culture. The graduates from these courses have formed a team of over 100 excellent volunteer trainers who are now training others across Asia. 

The Living Wholeness Community offers a range of training and courses, for a range of interested people from friends and family, pastors and leaders, small groups leaders, lay, community and pastoral counsellors, and professional counsellors, and educators. These courses are offered in broader Asia with some uptake in Europe and early days in Africa.

During the last decade more work has been done in the area of writing on the Christian Wholeness Framework, with now around 10 books either completed or in progress. Some of these are available through this website. Increasingly the team are being requested to train pastors in pastoral counselling at theological colleges both in Australia and Asia.

The team are also researching training outcomes using the Framework. There are two academic papers in the pipeline.

Graduates from the longer courses (PACT and LAMP) are invited to join the Master Trainer four-year training which takes them deeper as counsellors, supervisors, trainers, researchers, and course developers. The Living Wholeness community is made up of alumni who have found Living Wholeness to be so helpful, wholistic, thorough, foundational, and life changing, that they want to share this with others

Living Wholeness has thus grown to include a broad community comprising

  • Board of Directors
  • Executive Leadership Team
  • Advisory Board
  • Area Coordinators (National Team Leaders see below)
  • National Teams
  • Graduate Community (PACT and LAMP Master Trainer Graduates  and Living Wholeness Training Program Members) 
  • Core Community of mostly course Alumni
  • Broader community of over 1000 people

Philosophy

The emphasis in LW is servant leadership so much so that we have coined the phrase ‘servantship.’ LW seeks to empower those who are worked amongst, offering assistance where invited. Thus, growth needs to be ‘locally driven.’ LW formed a community of essentially national team leaders called Area Coordinators who lead teams within a nation or part of a larger nation (like India/China). These support each other and really are the backbone of future developmental steps.

LW comprises people keen to learn how to help others, how to counsel, and to train others, in their own language and cultural context. Thus, resources need to be available in those languages. LW does not just teach and release, but teach and walk with these people for the long term. Hence the 4 year Master trainer program, which then invites people to join a Graduate Community.

Relationship is central in Asia, in Christian life, and hence in Living Wholeness. LW is  relational!

What is the CWF?

The Christian Wholeness Framework provides a robust Biblical understanding of humanity, and God’s redemptive plan for this world.  It is comprehensive, cohesive, broad and balanced, effectively integrating theology and psychology.

The CWF offers a uniting picture language of five steps and five shapes which is transferable across cultures, languages, age, and gender. It is foundational across the Integrative Christian Counselling, pastoral care, wholistic evangelism, transformational discipleship, mentoring and coaching space.

Fellow Travellers: The Story of Living Wholeness Read More »

The Conflict Sector

Blog / 1 Comment / /

The Conflict Sector: Bringing the Best and the Worst in Us

By Sally C. Ladignon

Understanding the human person is both fascinating and challenging, and one meaningful place to begin is by looking inward through a reliable framework. I value the five shapes in the Living Wholeness Approach (LWA), especially the circles, because they help me reflect on myself and better understand how I face life’s challenges and victories. Like the other sectors in the circles, the conflict sector invites reflection because it reveals a part of our inner life where anger and offense can unsettle us. People often focus on others rather than examining themselves. Perhaps self-reflection is difficult because becoming self-aware can also be painful.

The conflict, or entrance, sector – described as the entry point of the heart’s revolving door – is a delicate and mysterious part of our inner life, even though it contains the least content. It reflects our points of vulnerability, which are present to many of the other sectors of the circles. It also reveals how sensitive, open, or guarded a person may be, since tension, hurt, and unresolved struggles often enter the heart through this sector. Triggers rooted in the past, such as childhood wounds, shape how we live in the present. Looking back on our growing-up years, the difficult pair of ACEs – Adverse Childhood Experiences and Adverse Community Environments – may have deeply wounded the love (self-esteem), truth (identity), and control (choices) sectors, making life at times painful and overwhelming when those injuries are stirred again.

The conflict sector receives input from all the other sectors of the circles, which pervade the heart. When those inputs, be it experiences or triggers, remain unrecognized and unprocessed, may bring out the worst in us. Created fearfully and wonderfully (Psalm 139:14), we are equipped in our soma with an autonomic nervous system (ANS) that acts like a personal surveillance system, constantly alert to safety and danger and asking, “Is this safe?” Threats or risks sensed by the body through its sensory filters – especially those arising from unhealthy relationships – can trigger the conflict sector, intensify the sense of threat, and shape how we respond inwardly and outwardly. Core beliefs and irrational thought patterns, which remain unchallenged and unrestored, when it entered the conflict sector will continue to degrade one’s identity and deflate one’s self-esteem.

We are reminded that conflict, though difficult, can also become a doorway to deeper self-understanding and growth. The Bible presents conflict as an unavoidable reality caused by sin, ranging from relational disputes to spiritual warfare, while also offering a path toward resolution through reconciliation, humility, and forgiveness. In Matthew 18:15, we are instructed to address offenses directly, while Romans 12:18 calls us to pursue peace and focus on restoration rather than winning arguments.

A personal relationship with God and a life rooted in His Word can help bring out the best in us as we surrender the worst in us to the Holy Spirit. This is easier said than done. Still, the Living Wholeness Approach (LWA), through its five steps and five shapes, can support this process by helping a person move back and forth through the steps, including the associated shapes, with growing awareness until the CWF process becomes a way of life marked by transformation, attitudes, skills, and knowledge.

Transformation sector by sector is starting from the inside out, from the spirit circle to the heart, mind, physical and social circles. The spirit circle which is alive in Christ and dead in sin influences the conflict sector to withstand any irritating input coming from any open doors of generational sin and curse pattern, ungodly thought patterns, spirit/soul wound patterns and demonic oppression patterns by confession, repentance, and breaking of the generational sins, renewing of the mind and receiving healing through the precious blood of Jesus.

CUREe reminded me the “walking it out” commitment I embrace when I received the healing ministry of Restoring the Foundations (RTF) and will continue to do so as part of attending to my heart circle:

Put on the Whole Armor of God  (Ephesians 6:10-18)

Like it or not, the Christian life is one of spiritual warfare. Either the enemy will “beat you up” or you will “beat up the enemy” by walking in the victory that Christ has won for you.

Renew and Guard Your Mind  (Romans 12:2, 2 Corinthians 10:4-6)

The battle is in the mind. Pray/meditate for a minimum of 30 days on your new Godly beliefs. You want the truth settled in your heart. When your heart and mind are in agreement with God’s Word, your previous agreement with the enemy will be completely cancelled.

Guard Your Mouth  (Psalm 141:3, Philippians 4:8-9, Matthew 12:34-37)

Be careful what you let come out of your mouth. When you recognize a different core belief and irrational thought pattern challenged it, repent of any attached generation sin/curse and replaced with a positive cognition.

Continue Asking the Lord for Healing of Wound Patterns  (Luke 4:18, Psalm 147:3, Psalm 23:2-3)

As you learn and experience receiving healing for your hurts, continue to go to the Lord in your private prayer time to ask for continuous healing.

Resist the Devil  (James 4:7)

When you submit yourself to God, then you can resist the devil and he will flee. Bind any demons that still have “legal rights” to remain. Forbid them to operate until their legal ground is recovered. If you should slip and fall, repent, do self-deliverance if necessary.

Overcome by the Word of Your Testimony  (Revelation 12:10-11)

Sharing with others what God has done in your life is a good thing to do. Giving God the glory for your healing and freedom strengthens you. Stay active in your spiritual warfare, however, because the enemy doesn’t like it when you give God glory.

A Personal Prayer for Healing and Growth:

Abba Father, thank You for the beautiful life journey You have allowed me to travel. Walking through the five steps may not be easy, but it is worth doing. I see You in each step and shape, reminding me that transformation is not linear but a journey of ups and downs as I locate where I am in the square, firmly resting on the cross. It is deeply reassuring to know that You have given me a spiritual position where I can know and experience Your Person, Presence, Purpose, Placement, and Provision, as well as the fullness of Your freedom, forgiveness, unfailing love, and strength to fight the good fight of faith.

Life is not easy, and needs are many. I am limited, but You are great. Please continue to bless me and my family with good health and well-being. May You also bless the work of my hands as I seek to bless others. May You also bring the CWF principles and practices to fruition in the Philippines, according to Your will, and open more opportunities to offer Living Wholeness trainings. In Jesus name, amen.

The Conflict Sector Read More »

Conflict sector

Devotion / Leave a Comment / /

Conflict sector

By John Warlow & Carolyn Russell

Sit with John and Carolyn awhile: 

Notice yourself – scan your body as you sit and read this newsletter…. 

What is happening around you, and affecting your comfort, or steadiness currently? Or what is ‘on your mind and heart’  ( a common expression of this current era)? 

What is your body experiencing as a result of this? 

What thoughts do you have as you notice this?  

What is the experience of being with others currently?  Do you experience connection, and understanding from those with whom you walk? Or perhaps not? 

If you have been able to notice any ‘discomfort’ or ‘tension’ or an internal sense of dysregulation, this may be a manifestation of your Conflict Sector. 

As we consider sector of our Heart Circle named Conflict, let’s for a moment recall what we in CWF consider ‘conflict’ :

An interesting quote in recent journal article that I read regarding Rahims Conflict Management…. That there is no universal psychological definition of this word, and yet it is used in therapeutic and pastoral situations commonly, even perhaps in most therapeutic sessions.  

One definition from American Psychological Association website states: Conflict in psychology is a dynamic and pervasive phenomenon that plays a fundamental role in shaping human behavior, relationships, and societal structures. They continue: It is NOT pathological, but an essential human experience.

In CWF picture language, it is in the Heart Circle … the source of our human responsiveness and expression. From this dynamic and pervasive phenomenon flow the actions, attitudes, emotions, physical experience, and relationships which characterise our stories. 

We as counsellors pastors and pastoral carers aim to find the conflict in the narratives of our clients and to sit with and walk beside them, as they explore the origins of this experience.  

As you now read this, sit awhile with Jesus…. Imagine or sense that He is listening to the narrative of the conflict sector you have identified. 

Write this story or speak it out aloud for a moment. 

What are the elements of this narrative? 

Research around conflict suggests that there is 

-Dissonance, internal or external 

-difference in values, beliefs and thoughts compared to others 

-clash of motivation, needs, goals or values 

-tension in experiencing an event, or imagining self within this event 

-tug of war between what I believe in or rely on, need, or hold as truth and what I observe to be occurring in me/others 

-spreading out from my inner being to affect all my circles in various ways 

Now let’s sit a while with His word, where conflict imbues the whole story of God and His people. Notice that you are not alone — Just as conflict is NOT pathological, but an essential human experience which provides for us the prompt to manage the experiences we have in life. 

Who is with you? The vast cloud of witnesses who stand to encourage us all. 

Those whom God was leading to a new place, or towards deeper understanding of His plan:  

Abraham going to sacrifice….. ‘God will provide a sacrifice my son’  (Gen 22) 

Abraham to be Father of nations —  receiving a promise which seemed CRAZY    (Gen 15ff) 

Jacob being deceived by Laban (Gen 29) 

Moses at Burning bush – but I am a man who cannot speak this way…. (Ex 3) 

Habbakuk – How long O Lord?    But I will stand and watch for your deliverance.    (Hab 1-2) 

Peter on roof with the vision of eating Unclean food  (Acts 10)

New Christians told that Paul was coming to Jerusalem after his conversion!  

Those experiencing conflict after choosing sinful paths: 

David lamenting in Psalms (Ps 77 1-9 and Ps 56:8 and Many others!) 

Paul… wretched man that I am! (Romans 7:21ff) 

Peter when he denied he knew Jesus (Luke 22:54ff) 

those with Interpersonal struggles: 

Paul and Peter in conflict re the circumcision party and Judaizers (Gal 2) 

Paul and Barnabas separate ways  ( Acts 15:36) 

Thomas before he met the Risen Lord Jesus 

Paul speaking of the struggles in prison  ( 2 Tim 4:9-16) 

Conflict sector experiences are to alert us to the Entry Portal: we know that we are approaching the Heart Circle, that place of transformation. 

Our thoughts, speech, actions, relationships will give us signals that we need to allow ourselves to Sit awhile with God, and sit with His Word, and to ask Him to Search our hearts –  To Search for and to Find that story of conflict to assess what it might mean. Is there a way that He is leading, or an unacknowledged struggle or experience which I am being called to name, and bring deeper into the heart?  

My friend seems distant Lord… I am missing her connection.  We promised that we would be there for each other… and I’m being true to that! what is going on?/what is she wanting of me?/ She should speak up and make it clear/Friends should not do this!/what if she stays this way? What should I do? I NEED to resolve this and find out…. But what if she gets angry……  I don’t know what to do!  You fix it Lord!  

We go Next Door into our Coping Sector, and find all sorts of ways to diminish that tension,  i.e.  to find thoughts which can calm us, or give us ‘answers’ —  we choose avoidance of the issue/person! And we blame others or God for not making life good for ME. 

 OR in that coping we can choose to move towards them and to assess our initial sense of change in the relationship – We FACE it!  

What a joyous thing that God has made us in His image, to be aware of when the functions (other sectors) of our hearts and spirits need attention and His presence.  He Gifts us the awareness of this Sector in our Heart Circle to act as a portal by which we can explore the other parts of us, and to then see that He wishes us to be transformed from the Inside Out.   

As we experience and acknowledge the conflict, and cope by speaking/writing it’s story, then we are taken deeper to Sit with Jesus, and to know that 

Wherever or through whatever He leads us …..

Whatever sinful choices we make….. 

Whatever comes at us through other people ……

HE loves us deeply and wants to HOLD that conflict with us, and take the burden. 

Sit awhile with Him now – 

Then remember and Meditate on his word from David:  

I consider the days of old, the years long ago. 

I said, “let me remember my song in the night: let me meditate in my heart.” 

They my spirit made a diligent search. 

“Will the Lord spurn forever. 

And never again be favourable? 

Has his steadfast love forever ceased? 

Are his promises at an end for all time? 

Has God forgotten to be gracious? 

Has he in anger shut up his compassion? “ 

Then I said “ I will appeal to this. To the years of the right hand of the Most High” 

Write out YOUR Psalm of praise from this conflict reflection, and  WORSHIP this MOST HIGH now with YOUR Centre!

Conflict sector Read More »

THE COPE SECTOR

Blog / Leave a Comment / /

The Cope Sector

By Sharav (Tsatsa) Narantsatsral

Why is the COPE sector part of the heart circle?

Coping is our way of responding to hardship, stress, and pain. In many ways, it acts as a defense mechanism to protect us from what feels overwhelming or unsafe. However, the way we cope is not random. It reflects what is happening deeper within our heart circle, particularly in the areas of love, truth, and control.

Before I began to receive help for my inner life, I noticed that I often coped by fighting, reacting strongly to others, or by flight, keeping myself constantly busy so I would not have to feel or face the painful parts of my life.

Looking back, these responses made sense. My love sector carried beliefs that I was unworthy, alone, rejected, and abandoned. My truth sector was filled with feelings of inadequacy and weakness. In that state, coping was not really a choice, but was a way to survive.

While these coping strategies may have helped in the short term, the deeper wounds remained. Beneath the surface, the pain continued unseen, unprocessed, and slowly growing.

Like me, many of us rely on coping patterns in addition to fight or flight, such as:

  • Faking (pretending everything is fine)
  • Freezing (shutting down emotionally)
  • Fleeing or avoiding
  • Fantasising or escaping reality
  • Flopping (feeling overwhelmed and collapsing inward)

These coping mechanisms become the “exit” of our hearts, the way our inner world expresses itself outwardly. Often, the more wounded the heart, the more intense or reactive these coping responses become. Because many of these patterns were formed in early life, they tend to operate automatically and unconsciously, making them feel difficult to control.

What is healthy coping?

Healthy coping does not mean avoiding pain or pretending everything is okay. It means learning how to move through life’s difficulties in a way that leads to healing rather than further harm.

As followers of Christ, we look to Scripture as our foundation for what is truly healthy. Within this framework, healthy coping can be understood through four key responses:

Face – To face is to acknowledge reality with honesty and courage.
It means being willing to see the truth about our situation, our pain, and even ourselves.

Forgive – Forgiveness is a deliberate and often difficult choice.
It involves letting go of resentment and choosing not to hold onto bitterness—even when the hurt is real.Forgiveness is not a one-time event, but a process that leads to deeper freedom.

Fun – Healthy coping also includes the ability to experience joy and even laugh at ourselves.

This is not denial, but a sign of freedom—where we are no longer defined or controlled by our pain.

Freedom – As we practice facing truth and extending forgiveness, we begin to experience true freedom:“If the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed” (John 8:36).This freedom allows us to live more fully, love more openly, and respond to life with greater peace and self-control.

How can we practice healthy coping?

Healthy coping does not happen instantly—it is a process of transformation. In the Gospel of Luke 5:36–37, Jesus speaks about not putting new wine into old wineskins. This image reminds us that new ways of living require renewal from within. In the same way, we cannot simply “add” healthy coping on top of old, unexamined patterns.

Instead, we are invited to:

  • Connect with oneself – Pause and reflect on one’s own current coping patterns
  • Understand self – where they come from
  • Respond by gently facing the underlying pain, bringing these areas to God
  • Engage help – getting help from a trusted friend/small group leader/pastor/professional, if it is hard to address

As we receive love, truth, and a renewed sense of control in Him, our old coping mechanisms can begin to change. This process is not about striving harder, but about allowing God-centered transformation from the inside out.

A gentle invitation

What are your usual ways of coping when life feels overwhelming?

Are they helping you move toward healing—or keeping you stuck behind a wall?

There is no shame in how we have learned to cope. These patterns were often formed to protect us.

But we are not meant to stay there. We are invited into something deeper— a life where we can Face truth, Forgive freely, find joy (Fun), and live in true Freedom, which makes us able to Fight the good fight to bear the Fruit.

THE COPE SECTOR Read More »

The Cope Sector of the Heart: From Surviving to Surrendered Strength

Devotion / Leave a Comment / /

The Cope Sector of the Heart: From Surviving to Surrendered Strength

By John Wadsworth

Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. Colossians 3:1-3

How do you respond when pressure rises? What happens in you when you feel threatened, overwhelmed, or in conflict?

If I am honest, my tendency is often to withdraw or shut down. It is a familiar pattern,  one that feels safe in the moment, yet often keeps me from engaging with what is really going on.

The Cope Sector, found within the heart, is one of the most revealing aspects of our inner life. As Jesus reminds us, it is from the heart that our responses flow. This is the place where we instinctively move to protect ourselves, where we seek safety, stability, and relief. God designed this capacity to cope as something good. It is not weakness; it is part of being human. Yet it can function in two very different ways, either life-giving and grounded in truth, or shaped by hidden patterns that can trap us in unhealthy outcomes.

The key question is not whether we cope, but how we cope.

Many of our coping patterns were formed long before we were deeply rooted in Christ. Some of us minimise what we feel. Others distract ourselves through activity or constant noise. Whist some of us displace emotions onto others, rationalise or over-spiritualise, or simply withdraw and disconnect. These patterns often helped us survive. They protected us in seasons when we felt unsafe or overwhelmed. But survival is not the same as flourishing in a God-centred life. The Cope Sector reveals what we truly believe about God.
When pressure comes, do we move closer toward Him,  or further away from Him?

Do we fight, flee, freeze, or try to fix? Do we present a strong, composed version of ourselves while something deeper struggles within? These responses are often the signs of a coping system trying to function without God at the centre. Yet there is another way…

Healthy coping flows from our Christ-centred self, where our inner world is aligned with truth and rooted in Christ. Instead of reacting from fear, we begin to respond from a place of secure attachment to Him. Our lives become grounded in what we know to be true through the cross: that we are held in His Person, sustained by His Presence, secure in our Placement, guided by His Purposes, and cared for through His Provision. From this place, we begin to adapt rather than defend. We face reality with honesty, forgive freely, and move forward with hope. Our responses become shaped less by reflex and more by the Holy Spirit, producing fruit that reflects His life within us.

We also recognise our limits. Our capacity to cope is often diminished when we are hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. At times, the most spiritual response is simply to acknowledge this and receive care. Over time, and time matters, the Cope Sector becomes the outworking of what is formed within us. Like fruit on a tree, our responses reveal the condition of our heart.

The invitation this week is simple:
When stress rises, pause. Ask yourself, Where am I? (square) How am I really?

Notice whether your old self is reacting, or whether your secure self in Christ is responding.

God-centred flourishing is not the absence of pressure, but the presence of Christ within it. And in the Cope Sector of your heart, He is gently leading you, from defence, to dependence, to flourishing. Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Colossians 3:12

The Cope Sector of the Heart: From Surviving to Surrendered Strength Read More »

The Center

Devotion / 11 Comments / /

The Center

By Steffi Gerber

A little  Story

Once there was a small spider who lived happily in her web. Life was good. Everything worked well.

One day she heard a troubling message:
“The world has changed. You must adapt. You must let go of the old ways. You must reorganize and become more efficient.”

The spider had never been anxious before, but the accusation of being outdated made her uneasy. So she carefully examined her web. Every thread seemed necessary. Each one had an important purpose.

Almost in despair, she finally noticed one single thread. It ran straight upward.
This thread had never caught a fly. It had never proven its value. It looked useless and unnecessary.

Quickly, the spider bit through the thread.

What happened next is easy to imagine: the entire web collapsed and was destroyed.
The thread that led upward was the one that held everything together.

The Story of Our Lives

This upward thread is like our relationship with God.

When a person anchors their life in God, it is the best decision a person can make. If a person keeps that upward thread it brings connection which brings stability, meaning, and hope.

We must never cut this upward thread. In many situations in life—especially in times of crisis—the most important question is this:

  • Do we still have a living connection with God?
  • Do we still fight for our heart to be reminded about our belonging in Gods family?
  • Do we still believe in God who is for us and that his blessings will never stop?

What is in my center will determine my wellbeing in my love, truth, control….. sectors.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with EVERY SPIRITUAL BLESSING in Christ. 4 For he CHOSE US in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love 5 he[b] predestined us for adoption to SONSHIP[c] through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— 6 to the praise of his glorious GRACE, which he has freely given us in the One he loves.

God’s Story with Us

In times of crisis, what matters most is whether the “web of our lives” is secured by a personal relationship with God. Jesus gave his life so this lifeline will never break. We can be secure in Gods promises, in his character, in his goodness, in his power. Do not be carried away by all kinds of strange teachings. It is good for our hearts to be strengthened by grace,  Hebrew 13:9

The Center Read More »

Centre

Blog / 20 Comments / /

Centre

By Geok ChengTAN

The Quiet Shift of the Heart

In the journey of personal growth and ministry, one of the most formative lessons I have learned is the importance of what we centre our lives on.

“Centre” is not merely a concept; it is the inner reference point from which we think, feel, decide, and act. It shapes how we interpret circumstances, respond to people, and understand God’s work in our lives. Through this learning process, I have come to see that centring is not static—it shifts, often subtly—and requires ongoing awareness and intentional realignment.

Why Who or What We Centre On Impacts Us

What we centre on becomes the lens through which we interpret life.

• If achievement is our centre, we measure our worth by success and productivity.

• If relationships are our centre, our emotional stability rises and falls based on how others respond to us.

• If self-protection is our centre, fear and control begin to shape our decisions and responses.

a. Identity and Worth

Our centre answers the question, “Who am I?”

When it is anchored in performance, approval, or control, our identity becomes fragile. But when centred on God, our identity rests on being known, loved, and called by Him.

b. Emotional Responses

Our centre influences what triggers us. When something threatens what we centre on, anxiety, defensiveness, or discouragement quickly surface.

For example, when I centred on being competent, any mistake felt like a personal failure rather than a learning opportunity. When I centre on self- protection or preservation, any circumstance or response from others that threatens my sense of safety can trigger strong negative reactions or an inner tendency to judge and criticise.

c. Decision-Making

We often assume our decisions are rational, but they are frequently shaped by what we seek to protect most.

• If comfort is the centre, we avoid challenges.

• If recognition is the centre, we seek visible roles.

• If life satisfaction is the centre, we devote most of our time and resources—such as finances—to sustaining it.

• A God-centred posture, however, asks, “What honours Him?” rather than “What benefits me most?”

d. Spiritual Sensitivity

When God is not at the centre, spiritual practices can become functional or routine. Prayer becomes task-oriented. Scripture reading becomes informational rather than transformational.

But when God is the centre, these practices become relational. We develop a habit of returning to Him. Our listening to His whispers—especially during our “off-centred” moments—remains sensitive and clear.

Centring is therefore not abstract; it quietly governs both our inner world and outward life.

The 5Cs of Singapore—Cash, Car, Credit Card, Condominium, and Country Club—represented the ultimate materialistic “Singaporean Dream” of the 1970s to 1990s. They drove many Singaporeans to work hard in pursuit of achieving most, if not all, of these markers of success.

Today, in my observation, Comfort seems to have replaced Club as the fifth C. Owning a club membership feels outdated. Instead, lifestyle and travel have become central aspirations.

Singaporeans today are known to travel frequently. The mindset is to enjoy life after working hard. Travel fairs are crowded as families book packages in advance to secure better prices. For some individuals and families, travelling twice or more a year is common. Working harder becomes the means to travel better and more often.

Without realising it, comfort and lifestyle can quietly become our centre.

When Are We Skewed in Our Centre?

Often, we do not realise our centre has shifted until we pause to reflect. A skewed centre rarely announces itself; it shows up in patterns—higher frequency reactions, fixated approaches, or a “must-have” mentality. We may even be willing to stretch our time and finances beyond our means to sustain it.

Some indicators include:

a. Emotional Overreactions

When a situation evokes a disproportionate emotional response—deep frustration, insecurity, defensiveness—it often reveals that something we centre on is being threatened.

Jumping to conclusions or overreacting to what others say may also point to this.

b. Repetitive Inner Narratives

The thoughts we replay reveal our centre:

“I must not fail.”

“People must appreciate me.”

“I need to stay in control.”

“I need to protect myself.”

These inner scripts show what we rely on for stability.

c. A Drained Spiritual Life

When God feels distant, it is not always due to busyness. Sometimes it is because something else has quietly taken His place as our anchor.

d. Patterns in Decisions

Recurring choices—avoiding conflict, seeking affirmation, overworking, withdrawing, or gravitating toward certain lifestyles—help reveal what truly drives us.

We often do not notice our blind spots. Gentle observations from trusted people can uncover what we unconsciously centre on.Through reflection, journaling, prayer, and guided conversations, I have learned to pay attention not only to what I do, but why I do it.

My Centre

Work used to be my centre for most of my life, especially in my early working years. It seemed natural and acceptable as a young adult to work hard in order to pursue a better career path and greater responsibilities.

Work became my identity. Performance determined my worth.

By God’s grace, I eventually realised that I had become a workaholic. Workaholism was only the outward manifestation. What truly drove me was my need to perform and meet the standards I had set for myself. This drive was shaped by my upbringing and by belief systems formed through painful childhood experiences. Achievement became both my shield and my measure of worth.

Ways to Reorient to a God-Centred Life

Reorientation is not a one-time event; it is a rhythm. It begins with recognising that something other than God has taken the centre. It requires a conscious desire to surrender and time to “re-wire” our inner patterns.

a. Practising Intentional Pause

Before reacting or deciding, I pause and ask:

• What is driving me now?

• Am I responding from fear, expectation, or trust?

This practice slows automatic reactions and creates space to return to God.

b. Naming What Has Taken the Centre

Honesty is crucial. Whether it is approval, control, comfort, or achievement, naming it before God reduces its hold. Confession becomes not condemnation, but realignment.

c. Returning to Scripture Relationally

Instead of reading for information, I ask:

• What is God revealing about Himself?

• How does this reshape my perspective?

This shifts the focus from self-effort to God’s character.

d. Prayer as Surrender, Not Only Request

I am learning to pray:

“Lord, re-centre my heart on You.”

This posture acknowledges dependence rather than competence.

e. Community Reflection and Accountability

Sharing struggles honestly with trusted companions and receiving their feedback allows gentle correction and growth.

f. Practising Small Acts of Trust

Reorientation happens through daily choices—letting go of control, choosing truth over approval, resting instead of striving. These small moments train the heart to rely on God.

g. Remembering God’s Initiative

Ultimately, re-centring is not solely our effort. God continually draws us back. His grace precedes our awareness. Recognising this prevents discouragement and fosters humility.

My tendency to overwork due to performance-driven patterns may remain a lifelong vulnerability. Yet God has been gracious in granting me awareness and self-control to regulate my pace. He has guided me to slow down, to rest, and to make space for myself.

Most of all, His truth has renewed my thought patterns. It is often our acceptance of and obedience to His truth that breaks unhealthy beliefs and patterns.

It is about trusting His ways more than our own.

Conclusion

Transformation does not begin with behaviour change, but with what—or whom—we orient our lives around.

What we centre on shapes our identity, emotions, and decisions. A skewed centre reveals itself through patterns, reactions, and inner narratives.

Through reflection, I discovered how easily my centre shifts toward work and performance. Yet I have also experienced the peace and clarity that come when I return to God as my centre and anchor.

Reorientation is an ongoing journey marked by pause, honesty, prayer, Scripture, and community. It is not about striving to be perfectly God-centred, but about repeatedly returning to Him—acknowledging our fallen tendencies and letting go of whatever has taken the driver’s seat of our lives.

Oswald Chambers said ““The centre cannot hold unless Christ is Lord of all.” Being God-centred means holding tightly to Him and His truth, while allowing Him to hold and realign us. As we learn to live from this centre, our responses become less reactive, our identity more secure, and our lives more aligned with His purposes.

It’s all about His lordship in our life!

Centre Read More »

When Things Don’t Go Your Way — and When They Do

Devotion / 4 Comments / /

When Things Don’t Go Your Way — and When They Do

By JP

In life, we are constantly navigating the tension between planning carefully and trusting deeply. We set goals, prepare for the best and worst, organize our schedules, manage finances, think about our children’s futures — and yet we are also called to hope in God.

We want control.

But we are invited to trust.

Today, I want to reflect on what Living Wholeness describes as the Control Sector — the part of our lives where we seek safety, certainty, and influence over outcomes. This sector is not wrong in itself. Planning, organizing, and taking responsibility are healthy. But when our need for control becomes our source of security, anxiety rises and hope weakens.

The Control Sector asks:

Who is really in charge of your life?

Joseph: A Life Beyond His Control

When I think about control, I think about Joseph.

So much of his story was outside his control:

Sold into slavery by his own brothers.

Serving faithfully in Potiphar’s house.

Falsely accused and thrown into prison.

Forgotten by those he helped.

Finally raised to become second in command to Pharaoh.

The Bible does not give us detailed insight into Joseph’s emotions during every season. But it repeatedly tells us one thing: “The Lord was with Joseph.”

What strikes me most is not Joseph’s rise to power — but his posture. When Pharaoh asked him to interpret dreams, Joseph responded:

“I cannot do it… but God will give Pharaoh the answer.” (Genesis 41:16)

Joseph did not cling to control.

He did not grasp for credit.

He did not try to secure his own future.

He placed his hope in God.

This was not a naive or blind hope. It was a mature hope — the kind described in Romans 15:13:

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him…”

Joseph’s hope was rooted not in circumstances, but in God’s character.

Hope When Things Don’t Go Your Way

It is easy to talk about surrender when things are going well. But what about when:

You are misunderstood.

You are overlooked.

You are treated unfairly.

Your plans collapse.

A story comes to mind of a young boy with cancer who was asked by a pastor, “Don’t you think God is unfair?” The boy replied, “God has eternity to make it up to me.”

That response reveals a profound hope. He believed that God is just. That God sees. That God’s timeline is larger than this life. That even if things do not feel fair now, God will ultimately make all things right.

That is hope beyond control.

Hope When Things Do Go Your Way

But here is something we often overlook:

Control is not only tested in suffering — it is also tested in success.

What happens when things do go your way?

When your plans succeed.

When doors open.

When influence increases.

When recognition comes.

Do we subtly shift our trust from God to ourselves?

Joseph’s story reminds us that hope is needed in both seasons:

In prison.

In the palace.

In both places, God was in control. And Joseph remembered that.

The Control Sector and Surrender

The Control Sector becomes unhealthy when:

Our peace depends on predictability.

We feel anxious when we cannot manage outcomes.

We struggle to trust God with uncertainty.

We equate control with safety.

True hope is not about passivity.

It is about releasing ultimate control to God while faithfully stewarding what is ours to do.

We plan — but we do not cling.

We act — but we do not grasp.

We prepare — but we trust.

And sometimes, surrender is not dramatic. It is quiet. Daily. Repeated.

“Lord, I release this to You.”

Reflection Questions

Take some time to sit with these:

1. When Things Don’t Go Your Way

How do you usually respond when plans fall apart?

What emotions surface most quickly — anger, anxiety, discouragement, self-blame?

What does this reveal about where your hope is anchored?

2. When Things Do Go Your Way

When you succeed, where does your confidence rest?

Do you subtly rely more on your own ability than on God?

How easy is it for you to give God credit?

3. Your Control Sector

What areas of your life do you most want to control right now? (Family? Ministry? Finances? Health? Reputation?)

What fears are underneath that desire for control?

What would it look like to entrust this area to God — practically, not just spiritually?

4. Eternal Perspective

If God has eternity in view, how does that reshape your current struggle?

What would mature hope look like in your present season?

When Things Don’t Go Your Way — and When They Do Read More »

The Control Sector

Blog / Leave a Comment / /

The Control Sector

By JP

Today we’re looking at the control sector — the part of our lives where hope, choice, freedom, and responsibility live. It’s also where despair, hopelessness, blame, feeling trapped, and feeling stuck show up.

Control is deeply connected to hope.

I’m a big tennis fan. Rafael Nadal is my favourite player. In one Australian Open final, he was down two sets. In the third set, he was down 3–2 and facing three break points. In a Grand Slam final, you need three sets to win. From a human perspective, it looked over. I lost hope and switched off the TV.

Hours later, I turned it back on.

Nadal was in the fifth set.

Something had shifted. Not necessarily the score first — but the belief. The refusal to give in. The decision to keep fighting for the next point.

Hope returned.

The Control Sector: Where Hope Lives

When we think about control, we often imagine either domination or helplessness.

On one side:

“I have no choice.”

“There’s nothing I can do.”

“They made me feel this way.”

“I’m stuck.”

On the other side:

“I can choose my response.”

“I am responsible for my next step.”

“I have agency.”

“There is still hope.”

The control sector is not about controlling everything. It’s about discerning what is actually within our responsibility — and what is not.

We cannot control:

Other people’s choices

Outcomes

Timing

Circumstances

But we can control:

Our response

Our attitude

Our boundaries

Our obedience

Our next faithful step

Despair often creeps in when we try to control what was never ours to carry — or when we abandon responsibility for what actually is.

Despair happens when we believe:

There is no choice.

There is no way forward.

There is no responsibility left.

There is no hope.

Yet the gospel tells a different story. Even in suffering, we are never without choice. We may not choose our circumstances, but we choose how we respond within them.

Being “not in despair” doesn’t mean we are not overwhelmed. It means we refuse to surrender our responsibility to hope.

The Duck on the Water

Sometimes we look at others and assume they have everything under control. Like a duck gliding across a lake — calm, composed, effortless.

But underneath the surface, the feet are paddling furiously.

Many people are carrying pressure you cannot see. They are choosing, moment by moment, not to give up. Control is not about appearing calm; it is about continuing to move, even when no one sees the effort.

Hope and Responsibility

Hope is not passive optimism.

Hope is an active stance:

I will take the next point.

I will take the next breath.

I will take the next obedient step.

In that tennis final, Nadal could not control the score already lost. He could not replay the previous sets. But he could play the next point.

The control sector always brings us back to this question: What is my next faithful point?

You may feel hard pressed. Perplexed. Even close to crushed.

But you are not without choice.

You are not without responsibility.

And therefore, you are not without hope.

Reflection Questions

In a situation where you feel stuck right now, what is truly outside your control — and what is still within your responsibility?

What would it look like to choose one small “next point” this week instead of surrendering to despair?

The Control Sector Read More »