Eva Yang

The Engage Step

By Amanda Barclay

I would like to share with you how important the Engage Step and the pyramid practically are for me: in my own life, in the small group (for vulnerable women) that I co-facilitate and anytime I connect with a person who is under the water level.

When I meet with a person and they share with me, that they are really struggling in life, I am often the first person that they have shared this with. To ensure their safety and that I am not the only one supporting them, I try to make sure, ideally in the first meeting, that they have at least someone else in their pyramid. Once we have achieved enough safety and connection in the conversation, I often skip from the U step straight to the engage other help step as.

In Australia, I have found that the easiest place to start in helping someone   build their pyramid is often in the professional work corner: The first step usually is that I make sure they have a general practitioner they can trust. If this is not the case and the person has depression for example, I have in the past assisted them in finding a good GP and in getting a referral to a specialist or counsellor.

I am continually collecting names and contact details of psychiatrists, psychologists and counsellors that have been recommended to me.

I am aware that in some other countries it would be a lot harder to help someone build their professional corner due to the lack of mental health professionals.

The next step would be to help them access the local church and people helper’s corners:

I also give them the contacts available based on their most pressing needs: To help me in doing this, I am actively collecting information on the range of help different churches in our area offer. Every church or para-church organization has their specific focus and strength in their outreach and are able to offer assistance in different areas: for instance some offer free food, others offer support groups for divorcees. In doing this I think we can really see that there is such power in working in unity as the Church. I see this unity beautifully expressed in the Living Wholeness community.

Building the Family and friends’ corner: by giving someone an overview of the steps and the principles of SAFETY the quality and depth their everyday relationships are inhanced.

Top of the pyramid: The women in our small group often struggle to see God as a safe person, either because they haven’t had a safe earthly father (alcohol addiction, abuse or neglect etc) or some of the preaching or even how they themselves read the Bible (through the glasses of their hurt and pain) has made them feel like God is condemning. Unfortunately, there are people in church that don’t understand that salvation, forgiveness and prayer don’t heal everything immediately and that there is such a thing as God centred suffering. This can make church an unsafe place for hurting people. In the safety of our small group the woman can learn that God is safe, but this can take years or may be a lifelong journey.

In our small group we had to support women go through the complicated process of applying for social security payments, so they had the funds needed to access professional support. In Australia, this process is complex and overwhelming/impossible for someone with mental illness to complete. The support and advocacy needed for this is sadly lacking.

Again, I am aware that in many countries there is no social security available.

I am also aware of how important it is for me to be the recipient and to proactively build my own pyramid. I am blessed to have a good pyramid of safe people in most corners.

The area that we as group facilitators have found the hardest to get is adequate support and supervision from pastoral care.

I have also really struggled with the lack of awareness at church and in society in general for how hard living with mental illness or supporting a family member with mental illness can be.

This again points to importance of the pyramid and the amazing work of Living Wholeness!!

Being on the Respond Step with God

By Sharon Khoo

Looking at the Respond step, we see that there are many elements there for the purpose of our growth in Christ, for the influence of the Gospel. The Cross & Combi-Shape are 2 shapes that stand out, along with the key words ‘to grow’, ‘Influence for the gospel’, ‘C.H.A.N.G.E.’, Therapeutic Map, and tools like Trialogue & Tennis.

I remember a time when all the above items were real and present for me, as I was responding to God, in my worst pain and suffering. I was suffering from Clinical Depression, beneath underwater in the square, and needed some help and deliverance to say the least! I was a self-Centred victim (right side, bottom, square), not yet a God-Centred Victor (left side). 

That was the space and time in my life that I felt like I had no choice but to turn to the Cross – my first response to God. I called out to God in my psychological overwhelm of pain and despair, and found myself met by the Presence, Person and Provision of Jesus Himself (some wonderful ‘Ps’ or gifts that we find at the Cross), during my inner healing and deliverance sessions with my pastoral counselor whom I saw for many years in my healing journey. 

This Holy space of meeting Jesus in the underbelly of my suffering, can be likened to being at the Home position for our heart, right beside the cross in the Combi-shape. Through this experiential knowledge of God, I found that He comes down to our lowest levels of suffering, doesn’t just meet us there as Immanuel, but responds to us at our deepest, darkest pain here as we respond to Him too. Just like Jesus talks about rescuing the one lost (or broken & vulnerable) sheep in Luke 15:4-7. Or in Psalm 23:4, where though we walk through the darkest valley, our Good Shepherd is with us, comforting us with His rod & staff.

Here, in this home position, I played tennis & Trialogue regularly with God and Jesus. Wrestling with Them over tough inevitable questions I needed answers to (albeit with much blind rage and ignorance) like, “Why did you do this to me (& my F.O.O.) God?”, “How could you be good and still allow such bad and harm, evil and violence come my way against my will, as a child who is vulnerable no less?”, and, “What were you thinking, letting your own son die when you could slay the devil & end all this madness & evil Yourself instead? Are you mad?”

Well, God always has His own wisdom & response to ours, especially when we are throwing them unkindly, wrongly or blindly at Him, to say the least. And I thank HIM that He was able to more than graciously forgive me for my serious shortcomings, love me in my severely broken state & naïveté as a child who not only needed to heal but to be properly educated in my faith about God & grow up in Christlike maturity (as is a purpose of the Respond step).

In my or any of our initial poor response to Him, I Thank God, for His better one. For not condemning me but responding back in great kindness, understanding, wisdom, undeserved grace and unconditional love as a Father who is Bigger, Better, Wiser & Kinder. He gave me the answers I needed, convicted me that He understood where I was coming from and that He was really ok. And more than ok, He was going to help me be ok too. He is and always will be good, to all of us as humanity, despite our broken, sinful nature & the evil nature of the enemy.

I thank Jesus too, for being the Wounded Healer & Best Friend I needed, identifying with all of my flaws, pain, brokenness and iniquities, saving me too, from my own kind of painful insanity. Needless to say, our God who is more than able, responded back in love to me at this R step, with all the answers He knew I needed, with time playing more trialogue and tennis with Him over some years. That included His answers to my earlier questions. It was finally not just a one-way conversation I previously had as a child & teen with God, but a 2-way, even three-way connection, with the presence of my counselor too, helping the responding, healing and growth process – much like the nature of the triangle. 

At the end of traveling this therapeutic map of having quality pastoral & professional counseling, inner healing, deliverance and more (I chose to receive clinical counseling and therapy such as seeing a Psychologist and Psychiatrist too, which God worked for my eventual good of wholistic healing. And is one wholistic therapeutic map I thoroughly recommend and encourage my own clients who desire to overcome mental illness to take in my pastoral counseling practice), I found myself transformed. God delivered me out of deep waters. 

I moved from the left self-Centred side to the right God-Centred side of the square, to be above water level with & in Christ. ‘C.H.A.N.G.E.’ happened. I was … 

Challenged to be more like Christ daily, Heightened in my knowledge & understanding of why God allows suffering and sickness in the world, 

Affirmed in many countless ways by other healthy people & God in the area of overcoming evil with good (Romans 12:21), New Ways of being more healthy & whole, not just happier, such as having healthy boundaries & imitating Christ, 

Growth in character was a definite in this process of responding to God, and I was Empowered to forgive, love again, and walk out of the dark fog of depression & bitterness, after 22 years of bearing with & healing from this unwanted dis-ease. 

Fast forward 10 years later & only by His great grace, I thank God that I am more than an Overcomer & Victor in Christ (Romans 8:37). My humbled response to God out of an overwhelmingly grateful & transformed heart, is that I choose to love & live for Him daily. To put God first and foremost in my life, and to obey His commandments, especially His greatest one (Mark 13:30-31); with full devotion & commitment to be more like His son. To love and serve others too, with a desire to make Him known, by sharing the good that He is and offers to us all, while we still live life on earth, this other side of Heaven. As His Missionary, Pastoral Counselor, guest speaker and the author of the book, ‘Hope in Despair’ – God’s story of how He got me out of Clinical Depression, Complex Trauma and Abuse – I am responding to God by using these roles to be an influence for the Gospel by sharing with others the good news & hope of Christ, in the midst of mental illness & suffering. All because He responded to me, and I too, was desperate enough to respond to God. Truly, God is worthy of our response to love, honor and worship Him, even in deepest pain and darkest suffering. (Job’s response to God & Jesus’ submission to His Father before, during & at the cross, comes to mind here too as further greater examples.) 

So, the ‘Respond to God’ step? It is definitely a broken but beautiful place to be in. And though everyone’s state of being at this step might be similar or different depending on how you are responding to God and what you are coming to Him for, so much powerful and positive C.H.A.N.G.E. can happen here, with Jesus. God responds to us when we turn to Him, no matter what state we’re in. But we too, need to make our choice if we want to respond to Him or not. 

In closing, perhaps one question we can take away from this is – What might you find relevant, to Grow or Respond in today, in your response to God towards greater healing or wholeness, at this time of your life? 

God, the wonderfully good author & perfecter of your faith and life bless you as you ponder, wonder, wrestle & respond, with Jesus. He loves & cares for you.

To God be the Glory.

Understanding Through the Square and Circles

By JP

In the Christian Wholeness Framework, we have 5 steps where the second step is the ‘understand step.’ The details of the understand step can be seen above.

Once a person feels connected [feels S-A-F-E-T-Y, safe and healthy attachment, attended, accompanied and attuned to], we can very easily go on to the second step, the understanding step, to be known. Once a person feels loved, the next thing a person wants is to be known.

Timothy Keller writes “To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial.”

As John Warlow writes ‘We need to know accurately to understand each other well. The five circles and the square facilitate profound and wholistic knowing. To understand is to know. When the truth of someone’s story is heard and accepted, it truly facilitates deep healing.’ There is so much to understand in this world, about ourselves, other people and about God! Where do we begin? A good place to start is the square.

In the square, as Christians, our goal is to be God centred, regardless if we are flourishing or suffering. We seek to understand ourselves.

• How can we be God centred?
• How can we stay God centred?
• What pulls us to the left side?

I find the square is useful for simple yet deep understanding of our behaviours but also looking deeper our intentions. What pulls me away to the left side of the square? Is it pride, being in control, greed, materialism, saviour complex, anger, coveting, lust or things not going the way we planned? It could be a lot of things and at any season it can be different things or relationships or even people!

To answer these questions thoroughly and grasp a deeper understanding of ourselves, we need to learn to understand ourselves by being curious, reflecting, being aware, noticing and exploring. We can do this through looking at the circles.

We can explore our social circle (relationships, with God, with other people, with ourselves).

• Who are the people in our lives?
• Which relationships are important to me at this stage of life?

We can explore what is happening in our mind circle?

• What is it that gives us volition [motivation]?
• What makes us in a happy, sad, angry mood?

What is happening in my physical circle?

• What is happening to my soma? (body/sleep/diet/exercise)
• What are the reasons I behave the way I do?

What is happening in my heart circle?

• What/who is my centre?
• What/who gives me hope?
• How do I feel loved?
• Who am I?

What is happening in my spirit circle?

Remembering, God looks at our hearts (1 Samuel 16:7), “For the Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

As we seek to understand ourselves through the square and circles, I am reminded to be gracious to ourselves. As we learn to understand ourselves, others and God, we can learn to imitate Jesus. To understand ourselves is a life long journey but with God and others, it is journey worth taking.

Being with God

A practice of being with God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit

By JP

In the Christian Wholeness Framework, we have 5 steps where the first step is ‘the connect step.’

From the picture above, we can see that part of the connect step is this idea of ‘accompany’ which means ‘being with’. There are so many different ways to connect/’be with’ with God.

Some people connect with God through the Scriptures, nature, journaling, music, sports, arts, fellowship and many through coffee/tea! Our God is a God who loves to be with us and connect with us. His promises to us in Matthew 28:20 (‘And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age’) and Hebrews 13:6 (be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”)

One of the ways that I find connecting with the Triune God is through centring prayer. The name might be a little different to what you might think it is or looks like. Essentially it is a way of being with God through awareness of your body, mind and hopefully spirit too!

The benefits of centring prayer which I have experienced is: an experience of being with God rather than knowledge of God, a deeper sense of his presence in my life, peace and calmness, the essence of being present and practicing listening to His voice.

This has transformed my relationship with God through experience which has given me a deeper trust in Him, recognizing He is control, experiencing his love for me and strengthening my identity in Him.

When I do this practice, I realise I am calmer, and therefore harder for me to become angry, anchored in who I am and not swayed by what others say or the situation around me and it is easier for me to be fully present and aware.

To do this, first you will need to find a quiet place and position where you feel comfortable. For me this is usually in the living room either sitting on the couch or on the floor. Next you can do this eyes closed if that you find it helpful. The next step is to focus on your breathing.

Breathe in for 4 seconds, hold for 2 seconds if possible and then breathe out for 4 seconds. 

As you breathe in, hold and breathe out, it helps your mind if you can think of something related to God, for example, as you breathe in you can say in your head ‘Je’ and as you breathe out ‘sus’ or you can think of a promise of God, such as ‘God is with me’, ‘Jesus loves me’ or another bible verse or bible truth. As you breathe, it is natural for other thoughts to come in and distract you or things that you need to do. If there is something that really needs to be done and you want to remember it, you can write it down and then go back to breathing. As you get distracted, acknowledge it and then turn your thoughts back to the Triune God. This process is normal and as you do it more, you will find it easier to turn your thoughts back to the Triune God.

You could start this practice for 2-3 minutes once or twice a day and then build up to 20minutes once a day. Through this exercise I have found it helpful for my body to be aware of my body, my mind and my spirit. It has helped me to experience God rather than just knowledge. It helps to spend time with God, experiencing him and bringing transformation. I would encourage you to give it a try.

So my question is to you is, ‘How do you connect/’be with’ with God?’ I would love to know and share in the LW community. Let us know in the comments below.

Living Wholeness Community

The vision of Living Wholeness Community

Dr. John Warlow

Dietrich Bonhoeffer describes the test of true community.

“Has the fellowship served to make the individual free, strong, and mature, or has it made him weak and dependent? Has it taken him by the hand for a while in order that he may learn again to walk by himself, or has it made him uneasy and unsure? This is one of the most searching and critical questions that can be put to any Christian fellowship.”

In Living wholeness our desire is to ensure that our relationships and the community that we share passes this test. We are bound together in the love of God, supporting, caring for one another but ultimately to guide everyone to become the person whom God desires them to be.

“And provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendour.” Isaiah 61:3

Oaks of righteousness is a wonderful image of what we are to become, deeply rooted in our relationship with God, displaying His attributes as He lives in and through us. It also depicts the journey of transformation that we have been through in our lives marred with challenges, sorrow, loss, and despair. When we are rooted in Him, we will bear fruit providing shelter and comfort to those in need.

The Living Wholeness (LW) mission statement develops the understanding of our God-centred transformation bearing fruit. “The LWC is a community of people who learn, live and give the Christian Wholeness Framework (CWF) leading to God centred transformation (GCT)and growth of the whole body of Christ through the whole gospel, by the whole church, to the whole person in the whole community, through our services, training, products, research, infrastructure and prayer communities.”

Living Wholenessis a Christian community – a group of people who share a common vision and calling from God, and live and work together with Him to see this happen. Living from a full God centred heartof care and value, respect and honour, choice and encouragement, humility, and attuned, being open and vulnerable. We are changed as we grow together and as the body of Christ change the world.

We are a community who shares these values to build stronger connections through honesty, vulnerability in safety. We value diversity and respect our cultural differences. We endeavour to establish strategic partnerships and broadening networks so that we can work more effectively together to proclaim His Kingdom.

The Christian Wholeness Framework (CWF)undergirds our values and vision, the method and common language we share, which indeed has changed our lives for so much better, drawing us closer to Him, and to those whom we reach out to our colleagues, students, clients, neighbours, communities, societies, nations, regions.  We know that it is in giving that we receive. It is in our weaknesses that His strength is seen most.

God centred transformation:

If we consider John 15, Jesus outlines what it means for us to be grafted into His body and receive the nourishment of His roots firmly planted in the Father we can bear fruit. We will continue to be pruned by God so that we will become even more fruitful for His glory.

Abiding in Christ	We draw near to Christ, He lives in and through us, this is expressed through our lives personally and out to all our relationships.
Grow in
Intimacy (Love God)	Remain in Jesus, Remain in His love; He is the vine you are the branches – how is your abiding?
Imitate (Love one another)	Obey His commands – lay down your lives for each other – how is your caring for each other, and self?
Influence (Be fruitful)	Have dominion… go into all the world… love others beyond our community by serving and teaching counselling – how is your serving? How can we serve and empower you to fulfil your calling in life?
Growing in God	He is our source, our centre, our home/foundation, our goal, and the head of our community (as illustrated by the shapes).

The CWF is founded on the Bible, old and new testaments. This is well described in John Warlow’s CURE for Life Book 3. Essentially the LW community is founded on the God of the Word, and the Word of God. It is founded on God the Father, Jesus the Son, and the Holy Spirit, and being in living real relationship with each of these elements of the Trinity.

LW as a Flourishing Community

We walk the CUREe steps with each other.

Connecting in SAFETY building trust, being invitational and attuned to each other. (Mark 12:30, 31).

Seek always to Understanding the other, knowing the other/s. (John 13:34).

Responding as appropriate and with the goal of empowering and facilitating the other/s to live top right corner as much as possible. We are serving from a position where God works through us to bring others to God-centred change.

Engaging help often, seeking others to assist to build team and empower newer people. 

Evaluating the progress periodically as we walk together, including being able to have mature grace filled conversations, celebrating the positives but also being able to face any difficult issues together.

“Get into shape” and to grow one’s T.A.S.K, as illustrated in the shapes of the

• Triangle (“God be my source”)
• Circles (“God be my centre”)
• Square (“God be my goal”)
• Shape of the Cross (“God my home and my foundation”)
• Pyramid (“God be our head”)

The Shapes

Triangle

LW community members seek a deepened relationship with God, others, and themselves. Knowing that this happens best in long term safe relationships LW community members will generally have a safe prayer partner, SAP group, or T group, or somewhere they know they themselves can come easily safely without scorn or criticism to process personal issues.

Circles

Spirit

LW community are a people of change, who pray for change in circumstances, and as such hold keys to making history, as they keep the history of the world before the Throne of Grace.

LW members are strong in prayer remembering God’s strength, His love, His grace, His kindness, His healing power, His capacity to work miracles, and His awesome power which can kick in on the cusp when hope is fading. 

The so-called God gap – where without God there would certainly be nothing/disaster/failure is well known in the LW community.

In other words, but for God being with us, nothing of eternal value will really happen here. Only He is good, and His love endures forever.

Our connection with God is central to our faith and is obviously an essential aspect of life in the LW community. Every member is encouraged to develop that their awareness of the Holy Spirit in their lives. We encourage the expression of the spiritual gifts but also focus allowing the Holy Spirit to lead and guide us as be draw near to God. The Spirit is our mediator and as we become more attuned to hear God speak in our lives we will strengthen our faith. As a community we believe very much in the power of prayer and bringing our plans and petitions before God in prayer. We encourage the community to seek God’s leading and prayer into situations impacting the LW community. We desire to be in tune with His will and seek His guidance on all that we do.

Heart

Living in a fallen world, we know where to go when we are alone, we fail, we lose hope, we are tempted to fight flight or fake, and when our weaknesses are well in view of others and self. We move to the source of all joy and hope, love, and peace, to the God who loves us and knows us by name.

We are to take responsibility, be optimistic, and hope filled. We know who we are, we know our purpose and calling, we know our identity even in Christ.  And we know above and beyond all things we are loved by the gracious merciful kind and wonderful God who made us in His own image.

We are to have a sense of God is my centre, my axis of rotation, my purpose. My life, my first, and He deserves my whole self. Now and forever.

As LW community members we are to seek to address personal trigger points or newly emerged or recurrent issues within ourselves and/or with others by gentle kind facing and forgiving. We also have fun!

Mind

Just as LW community members hold healthy physical habits, so they seek to establish and hold healthy mind habits, processing thoughts and emotions in mature ways. In Community we are encouraged to spur each other on in our faith and renewing of our minds. Part of this is also to develop the gifting in each of us. We endeavour to assist in establishing co-labours gifts and abilities to train, supervise and innovate new programmes to further God’s kingdom.

Physical

Holding healthy habits, lifestyle, communicating clearly with one another, serving one another, seeking to bless those whom we counsel, teach, and lead at all times.

Social

LW community members hold dear the TASK principal and as such seek personal growth and transformation. Living in healthy flourishing real relationship with friends and family; local and other churches and brothers and sisters, often cross culturally, with other lay and pastoral counsellors, and with coaches, mentors, counsellors, supervisors, researchers, product developers and teachers.

Square

As LW community members we should know the square well, we are aware of suffering and flourishing. We can sense when we are under the waterline, they know life under and above the waterline, and are not afraid to leave their position above the water to assist those below, or on the left. We hold on to the truth of our “Home base” at the foot of the cross, where we can return again and again repentant and seeking forgiveness. We are assured of the restoration and renewal through the sacrifice of the Cross and how in Christ we can live once again top right, God-centred and flourishing.

Cross

Living a life secure in our identity knowing that God is our loving creator, Jesus died to Save us, and we are filled with the Holy Spirit our enabler.

Pyramid

Our LW community lives by the pyramid. We are humble and gentle, seeking to help, and seeking help, when appropriate, all under the guidance of Father in heaven. We seek to serve others as an individual but more often seek to engage the healing community we partner with to assist the transformation and growth of others.

God-centred

And so, we seek to glorify His name, not our own fame, fortune, or somehow better future. We seek His will and His purposes and His plans to eventuate. We delight in His invitation to us to be engaged in this LW community and work for a moment in the history of the world. But it is all for Him, to Him, with Him, because of Him, that we are even able to articulate, let alone live, this vision for the LW community.

Let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near. Heb 10:22-25

In conclusion, this passage reflects the pattern for our Living Wholeness Community with three clear instructions. Let us draw near with a true heart, let us hold fast and let us stir one another to good works. We are journeying together encouraged and challenged towards God-centred transformation through a greater understanding of ourselves and God through the CWF. May we continue to see much fruit in our lives and in the areas, we serve, seeing lives restored and transformed fulfilling His Mission of redemption. May this community of brothers and sisters all over the world grow stronger and stronger.