Healing that comes from a Christ-centred attitude to Evaluation
By Geok Cheng
I consider myself a reflective person. Due to my rather difficult childhood, somehow quite naturally, I began the habit of thinking through and recounting the incidences (i.e self-reflection) I faced ‒ to try to make sense out of it.
Gradually, as I reflected, I realised that I also evaluated (i.e judging what worked and/or what didn’t from that reflected experience) myself and the circumstances I was in. The scripture by Paul in 2 Corinthians 13:5 “Examine yourselves, to see whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves… ” has become my life guiding principle. Selfreflection and self-evaluation are now my innate nature.
The Christian Wholeness Framework (CWF), comprising the 5 shapes and 5 steps, has certainly given me a clearer and a more structured way for self-reflection and self-evaluation.
The Triangle directs me to evaluate my relationship with my heavenly Father, my shepherd and Lord Jesus Christ, the Holy Spirit who is my counsellor and helper, and also my relationship with others. It directs me to examine how strong or weak the relationship has been and how it has grown or weakened through time.
The Circle takes me to a deeper level of examining how I have been relating and responding to God and others. The circle is like a compass showing me where to look at.
The Square forces me to be honest with myself ‒ if my response to God and people, in good or difficult times at the various sectors of my circle, were selfcentred or God-centred.
The Cross is the ‘home-base’ I would return to regardless the struggle I am in. No matter how weak or reluctant I might be, I will always find His grace to press on moving towards His ways for me, towards the right side of the square.
The Pyramid directs me to find the right source of help and support I need such as prayer, tangible help or resources. Sometimes, the pyramid helps me to recognise if the person whom I truggle with should be in my pyramid of support.
While the shapes and the steps are helpful in the process of evaluation, I realise (especially after learning CWF) that the attitudes i.e Face (F), Vulnerability (V) and Humility (H), are key towards having a spirit-led and truth-based evaluation of myself. The shapes and the steps shows us ‘how’ to evaluate but the attitudes FVH determines my posture that I take in the evaluation process.
My Attitude Journey
Last year, I was badly hurt and unjustly accused by a close friend. While we ended the conversation amicably, I knew I was deeply wounded.
I reflected on the sharing and could not quite get out of my own emotional turmoil I was in. The thought that my truthful and loving feedback was received as rebuke (she was offended), stirred a huge guilt and regret within me. I was burying myself below the water line and on the left side of ‘the square’ for awhile. It was only until I met my Lord Jesus and talked to Him about it (return to ‘home-base’), that gradually I was mentally able to evaluate the incident.
Face
The moment I met my Lord in prayers, His loving presence so embraced me that I broke down in tears. I finally faced the hurt and talked to Him about it. I no longer dwelt in my own emotions but had enough courage and strength to talk through the issue with my Lord. After a good cry in His presence, the Light of Christ simply shone into my heart and led me to review my feedback objectively. I realised that I had approached the feedback with care, love and much prayer. The evaluation of myself was shifted from man’s perspective to God’s perspective. I began to see what I needed to take responsibility for and what the accusations were.
Jerry Bridges, a Christian author, said, “We should never be afraid to examine ourselves. But when doubts do arise, the solution is not to try harder to prove to ourselves that we are believers. The solution is to flee to the Cross and to the righteousness of Christ, which is our only hope. And then, having looked to Christ alone for our justification, we can look to His Spirit to enable us to deal with those areas of our lives that cause doubt.”
Indeed, when I returned to the Cross and looked to Christ, His spirit enabled me to ‘face’ the issue courageously and His Light directed me out of the woods, I found clarity of mind through His Light. The evaluation of myself was not based on man’s response but by His written and spoken Word.
When we evaluate together with the Lord, His grace provides us with the capacity and courage to ‘Face’ ourselves and all that has happened in the event. His Light brings clarity that we may see and assess all things based on His Word. His truth becomes the standard on which the evaluation should be based on; it should never be based on man’s responses or expectations or the values and standards of this world.
Vulnerability
It was a painful process to ‘face’ my hurt. Though I know our Lord is with me every time I poured out my soul and bared my heart openly and fully the emotions within me, it was just so unbearable. Though those moments were simply difficult to go through, yet His ever consoling spirit pressed in upon me to give me sufficient grace to hang in there with Him. The Lord lovingly drew out deeper and deeper inner thoughts and feelings I had that was buried deep within me. While I felt so vulnerable and ‘exposed’ before my Lord with all my ugliness and weaknesses, the greater the grace I had to persevere through. I was naked before my Lord and my whole self was laid open for His access and for His healing in me.
The world does not esteem vulnerability as a strength. However, there is safety in Jesus when we are vulnerable. He is the safe refuge we can run to. As we become vulnerable before our Lord, we open up ourselves to His perspectives and understanding, thereby allowing ourselves to be healed, restored and realigned ourselves to His ways.
Humility
Being vulnerable certainly go against the natural grain of my whole being. The strong and steady persona I once had, seemed to vanish as Jesus takes His healing deeper. I was humbled mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
Just when I felt the pain was dissipating away, my Lord asked me gently if I would surrender this friendship totally to Him. Immediately I knew that God was revealing to me that the importance I had placed in this friendship surpassed that of Christ.
James 4:10 says “Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.” (NIV). My Lord wants to lift me up and I have to learn to humbly recognise that nothing can be more important than Him in my heart. He desires to strengthen me so that I may be blameless and holy before Him (1 Thessalonians 3:13).
As I surrender this friendship to Jesus, Romans 5:20 “. . . where sin increased, grace abounded all the more . .” (ESV) suddenly became so real. The freedom that came from His gracious lift was felt so intimately as I obediently submit this friendship to Him daily.
Louie Giglio, the founder of the Passion Movement once said that “Humility is not a character trait to develop, it’s the natural byproduct of being with Jesus.” Humility comes as we remain connected with Jesus our Lord. He increases and I decrease.
The attitude of Humility in the Evaluation step directs us to look beyond ourselves and beyond all human judgement. He humbles us as we remain connected with Him. The entire self-evaluation no longer centres on ‘I’ but what He has to reveal.
What is Evaluation
Through this healing journey with my Lord, I discovered that besides the use of the 5 shapes and 5 steps to direct my reflection and evaluation, the attitude I possess to approach the evaluation ultimately determines the clarity and depth of the process.
Only our Creator God is well acquainted with our ways (Psalms 139:1-4, Proverbs 21:2) and He weighs our human heart.
The clarity and objectivity of our evaluation stems not on man’s understanding and certainly not based on man’s established standards. Only His truth sheds light and brings forth an unbiased evaluation that is truly constructive, life giving and life-building.
Conclusion
When Jesus is with us in the Evaluation step, there is true freedom and absolute objectivity when we face courageously our circumstances and ourselves. We need not fear when we choose to be vulnerable before our loving Lord. Most of all, being humbled by our Lord means He is going to lift us up. There is no shame as we face our fallen nature, our sins and our wrongs in His loving presence. He humbles us without crushing us and He lifts us up.
As Brennan Manning says, “take God’s evaluation of yourself instead of your own, and God expects even more failure from you than you do!”
Certainly, He knows our fallen nature but He is here to redeem us into His likeness.
I praise God for His healing grace.