The Engage Step

By Amanda Barclay

I would like to share with you how important the Engage Step and the pyramid practically are for me: in my own life, in the small group (for vulnerable women) that I co-facilitate and anytime I connect with a person who is under the water level.

When I meet with a person and they share with me, that they are really struggling in life, I am often the first person that they have shared this with. To ensure their safety and that I am not the only one supporting them, I try to make sure, ideally in the first meeting, that they have at least someone else in their pyramid. Once we have achieved enough safety and connection in the conversation, I often skip from the U step straight to the engage other help step as.

In Australia, I have found that the easiest place to start in helping someone   build their pyramid is often in the professional work corner: The first step usually is that I make sure they have a general practitioner they can trust. If this is not the case and the person has depression for example, I have in the past assisted them in finding a good GP and in getting a referral to a specialist or counsellor.

I am continually collecting names and contact details of psychiatrists, psychologists and counsellors that have been recommended to me.

I am aware that in some other countries it would be a lot harder to help someone build their professional corner due to the lack of mental health professionals.

The next step would be to help them access the local church and people helper’s corners:

I also give them the contacts available based on their most pressing needs: To help me in doing this, I am actively collecting information on the range of help different churches in our area offer. Every church or para-church organization has their specific focus and strength in their outreach and are able to offer assistance in different areas: for instance some offer free food, others offer support groups for divorcees. In doing this I think we can really see that there is such power in working in unity as the Church. I see this unity beautifully expressed in the Living Wholeness community.

Building the Family and friends’ corner: by giving someone an overview of the steps and the principles of SAFETY the quality and depth their everyday relationships are inhanced.

Top of the pyramid: The women in our small group often struggle to see God as a safe person, either because they haven’t had a safe earthly father (alcohol addiction, abuse or neglect etc) or some of the preaching or even how they themselves read the Bible (through the glasses of their hurt and pain) has made them feel like God is condemning. Unfortunately, there are people in church that don’t understand that salvation, forgiveness and prayer don’t heal everything immediately and that there is such a thing as God centred suffering. This can make church an unsafe place for hurting people. In the safety of our small group the woman can learn that God is safe, but this can take years or may be a lifelong journey.

In our small group we had to support women go through the complicated process of applying for social security payments, so they had the funds needed to access professional support. In Australia, this process is complex and overwhelming/impossible for someone with mental illness to complete. The support and advocacy needed for this is sadly lacking.

Again, I am aware that in many countries there is no social security available.

I am also aware of how important it is for me to be the recipient and to proactively build my own pyramid. I am blessed to have a good pyramid of safe people in most corners.

The area that we as group facilitators have found the hardest to get is adequate support and supervision from pastoral care.

I have also really struggled with the lack of awareness at church and in society in general for how hard living with mental illness or supporting a family member with mental illness can be.

This again points to importance of the pyramid and the amazing work of Living Wholeness!!