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The Shape of the Pyramid

By JP

The shape of the pyramid is about relationships and community. Right at the very beginning in the bible, God said, it is not good for man to be alone (Genesis 2:18). He made us to be in relationship, with himself, with others and ourselves. We need other people. We were designed like this. When we look at the pyramid, we can see the four corners plus God. The pyramid shows us how can we show servant leadership through supporting ourselves, serve and link with others. It’s so important as we serve and lead to

The shape of the pyramid helps me to fulfil the 2^nd commandment, love your neighbour as yourself. The pyramid helps me to look after myself through finding supportive relationships such as: family and friends, local church (through church ministry and church community), to get a mentor (people helper), to be able to find people who can help me professionally when the need arises (e.g. Doctor, plumber, accountant, teacher etc). I’ve been moving countries every 2 years for the last 8 years. It’s always been a priority and a struggle to build and sustain my pyramid. For those who have been in one place for a long time, it might be a lot easier to find those supportive people in your life which I hope you do have them. They are so important for our self-care and wellbeing that we may be able to live long and fulfilling lives.

The role of supportive social relationships in our lives is so important. The research from Harvard University “have been seeking the key to a happy life since 1938, in the longest study into happiness ever conducted. After 85 years of research, they’ve concluded that it is our relationships with other people that give us the greatest happiness.” (Scientists found the key to a healthy, happy life: relationships | World Economic Forum)

It’s not just relationships with other people but it’s about quality of the relationship. The research continued saying “Regardless of their backgrounds, those with the strongest personal relationships were not only the happiest but also enjoyed the best overall health and lived longest.” Scientists found the key to a healthy, happy life: relationships | World Economic Forum

The shape of the pyramid also serves another purpose: serving and linking others together. I remember when I was younger, I was always serving people. This was something that through my family upbringing and my own experiences came naturally to me. However, when serving people, I wasn’t always good or natural at linking. I found the pyramid was profound in helping me to serve people holistically through linking with other people. It helps you not be the only person serving one person. It helps to have a team of people serving one person. It reminds of a how a medical or health team combine their different areas of expertise to help a person. Everyone needs their own pyramid. As we serve others, we can try to help the people we are serving build their own pyramids. It’s really tough when you’re serving a person all by yourself. It can be draining, tiring and lead to burnout. It’s been an incredible experience for me when serving as a team. It’s a lot harder, don’t get me wrong, but the joy and the harvest are multiplied.

Prose on Square

By Jenny Oh

The CWF Shape of the Square, conceptualized by John Warlow, provides a valuable framework for assessing one’s relationship with God. It prompts two critical questions: Am I God-centered or self-centered? Am I flourishing or submerged in suffering? While the model may appear simplistic, it offers a profound means of self-examination, encouraging honesty and awareness in our journey toward spiritual growth and wholeness in Christ.

The purpose of the Square is to facilitate understanding through assessment and reflection, as human beings do not always learn solely from their experiences but rather through thoughtful consideration of them. This is supported by leadership theories suggesting that individuals tend to judge themselves by their intentions and others by their actions. Such a tendency can obscure honest self-assessment, resulting in a skewed understanding of one’s spiritual position.

The Square invites us to listen attentively and still our minds, creating space for God’s voice to speak to us. It enables us to discern whether we are living in alignment with God’s purposes or being driven by self-centered motivations. Even in ministry, one might mistakenly believe they are God-centered simply because they are involved in “God’s work.” However, the Square challenges us to confront this presumption: Are we truly seeking God’s will, or are we merely acting according to our own desires and motivations?

At Oasis Christian Counseling Center, where I serve as Director, the CWF Shapes and Steps are integral to the training of our lay counselors. The first phase of this training focuses on personal application, helping individuals assess their own lives before counseling others. Many of our lay counselor trainees are pastors, Christian NGO leaders, seminarians, and others in Christian leadership. It is imperative that those who guide others first understand their own spiritual longings, patterns, and tendencies. If we live on the left side of the Square—self-centered—we become blind to God’s voice and, over time, may spiral into spiritual indifference. Conversely, for those committed to living a God-centered life, residing on the right side of the Square brings a deeper sense of communion with God, enabling greater clarity about one’s purpose and identity in Christ.

Since my conversion at the age of 18, my overriding desire has been to live according to God’s will. However, there have been seasons in which my ignorance, stubbornness, or fears have led me into self-centered behavior, causing me to slide toward the left side. Yet, my love for God ensures that I do not remain in that state. To those who are in Christ, there is an ongoing transformative process at work, reshaping our thoughts and actions. The Square serves as a mirror, providing us with a structured framework for regular self-examination within the rhythms of our spiritual discipline.

Living in a state of God-centered flourishing is the ideal toward which we strive. As new creations in Christ, we are empowered to live abundant lives. However, even in times of suffering, when we feel overwhelmed, we can rely on the countless promises of God’s presence and care. In Matthew 11:28-30, Jesus invites us to lay our burdens upon Him, promising rest for the weary. While Jesus’ own burden was neither light nor easy, His finished work on the Cross enables us to carry the weight of our struggles through His grace and mercy, rather than through our own anxieties. He is with us; He is Emmanuel.

The concept of God-centered suffering is also significant. The book of Lamentations provides a vivid example of this, expressing profound grief over the destruction of Jerusalem. Yet, even in the midst of such sorrow, there is hope. The inclusion of suffering in the Square reflects the reality that the Christian life is not solely characterized by celebration and victory. In a world marked by injustice, poverty, and war, suffering is an inevitable part of life. However, as Romans 5:3-5 teaches, suffering can also be transformative, producing perseverance, character, and hope, moving us toward Him.

In counseling, the Square provides clients with a useful tool for self-awareness. It offers a simple, universal language through which they can articulate their current circumstances and spiritual state. Thus, the Square is placed within the “Understand” step. When individuals gain a clearer understanding of their identity in Christ and how God views them, they are more likely to experience true wholeness. As counselors and leaders, our role is to guide individuals toward this realization. Through the Square, we help them be in a position to go to God, allowing Him to make meaning of their circumstances. The Square also helps prepare clients for the “Respond” step, whether through the process of Trialogue or other tools.

In one of my couples counseling cases, Darot and Chantha (not their real names) sought help for marriage issues revolving around Darot’s gambling problem. They had been church friends as singles, got married in the church, and still attended the same church as both sides of their families. Chantha found out about Darot’s gambling problem ten years ago but couldn’t tell anyone, including their families. Recently, Chantha decided she could no longer cope with the struggle and sought help. They both loved the Lord and each other, but they allowed this issue to affect their relationship. At first, Darot was very silent, and I could sense from his posture as Chantha discussed his gambling problem that defensive reasoning was likely going through his mind. At some point, I introduced the Square and asked them where they thought they were in it. It wasn’t just Darot, but both of them were able to be honest about their situation, acknowledging that they were acting self-centered and suffering. Through this acknowledgment, the conversation shifted from accusing each other to desiring to hear from God and gain a God-centered understanding. Darot still had hard work ahead of him, in dealing with his gambling addiction, but it no longer took center stage in their relationship. Their primary desire became living a God-centered and flourishing life in Christ. They realized that no matter where they were in the quadrant of the Square, they could always return to the Cross. This was truly good news for them. In conclusion, the Square prompts us toward God-centeredness and reminds us that even when we don’t have complete understanding, it is in being God-centered, whether flourishing or suffering, that we have our being, and ultimately, there’s a confidence all will be well. I am deeply grateful for the opportunity to integrate the CWF Shapes into my ministry and personal life. These concepts have not only enriched my professional work but have also profoundly shaped my spiritual journey. The Square serves as a constant reminder of the importance of remaining God-centered, whether in seasons of flourishing or suffering, and continues to inspire growth and transformation both in my life and in the lives of those I serve.

Through the Lens of the Circles:
“God be the Center for “Who am I?”

By Sally Ladignon

The question of “Who am I?” seems a bit overwhelming to answer especially if there is nothing to anchor on. The 5 circles and its 25 sectors in the Understand Step of the Christian Wholeness Framework (CWF) provided the fitting answer to said question because it captured the Biblical anatomy of man. The circles give a map of “who am I?” as created in God’s image and likeness as shouted out in Psalm 139:23-24 which says,

“Ipraise you, for Iam fearfully and wonderfully made. For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.”

The truth that we are God’s masterpiece cannot be denied, but many might find it hard to believe especially that people are more prejudiced to define “who am I?” based on the triple A of false securities, which are appearance, achievement and authority. All these are temporal with no eternal attachment. The “who am I?” is more than our looks, accomplishments and influences.

I admired people like Drs. John Warlow and Arnold Lazaro who came up with their respective prodigious works on understanding and helping people. Dr. Warlow articulated the beauty and wisdom of the 5 circles with its 25 sectors for deep understanding of “who am I?” with emphasis on God as the center of our being. Likewise, Dr. Lazaro with his multimodal perspective used 7 considerations of assessment to understand and eventually plan for appropriate interventions in an abbreviated acronym of BASIC ID, which stands for Behavior, Affect, Sensation, Imagery, Cognition, Interpersonal factors, and Drug/Biological. These 7 elements (or sectors as called in CWF) represented just 3 circles (social, physical and mind). The 18 more sectors by Dr. Warlow will further draw out the missing puzzle pieces in the “who am I?”

I likened the 5 circles to an earphone when I listen to people’s narratives as they come for help. Their narratives are information-rich containing life themes revealing their conditions sector by sector in each circle. Sectors are like pieces of puzzle, which needed to securely fit to each other to paint a complete picture of “who am I?” promoting better understanding where one might be coming from.

May I introduce a young female adult who I called “Growing Little Girl” or GLG for short who I saw through the lens of the circles. She came for counseling because of a pressing concern. Life was difficult for her while growing up. Most of the time she is below the waterline navigating from left to right or right to left of the square. She is now 30 years old, working and living alone by herself for a long time. During our sessions I reflected back to GLG her narratives circle by circle which she appreciated and felt understood.

Social Circle

GLG and her boyfriend work in the same company as an office staff and a supervisor, respectively. Their relationship lasted for a year and was kept a secret from their co-workers as demanded by the guy until he finally broke up with her. This left her so devasted and heartbroken. She just cannot accept the break-up easily and shamelessly begged him to give their relationship a second chance. Annoyed by her persistence for a reconciliation, he thought of lodging a harassment complaint to local officials to prevent her from getting near him. This pained her more and felt so bad and rejected.

At work, she received a lot of disapproving feedback from supervisors and to compensate for (un)satisfactory performance, she worked extra hours not claiming for overtime pay. She also volunteered for additional work outside of her usual assignments to prove her worth in the company.

At early childhood, her mother left the family and eloped with another man. She and her younger brother were left under the care of their father and his female siblings who also have their own families to tend. Such early abandonment imprinted an empty core in her heart circle damaging the love (self-esteem) and truth (identity) sectors. She lived from one aunt to another when her father died while she was in elementary grade experiencing physical, emotional, verbal and mental abuse.

Physical Circle

By just looking at her appearance no one cannot suspect that she is actually below the waterline. She always put smiles on her face to hide whatever deep hurts are there. She blames herself a lot and harbor guilt feelings when several relationships failed. Because of the break-up she cannot sleep and eat well. Her bothering gastrointestinal issues worsened and needed medical attention from time to time. She also sought psychiatric help for her anxiety concerns. She cried a lot as she remembers how significant people abandoned her without proper closure.

Mind Circle

She lives in fear because of abandonment issues she experienced at home, schools, work and special relationships. Her fear of abandonment makes her anxious for losing someone she cares about. She felt betrayed by people who she thought would be there for her, but at the same time felt guilty for failing them to keep the relationship.

The recent break-up left her so devastated and heartbroken. She felt dead inside, struggled so much mentally and emotionally while wondering where her emotions are coming from which made her cry easily.

Her basic desire is to be helpful by pleasing people which end up abandoning herself of her own needs.

Heart Circle

She realized that people easily gave up on her and leave without reciprocating her need to be loved. She thought she is not enough and lack in many ways for people to appreciate and love her in return. She believed that she is not worth keeping that people will just dump her when they found out she is flawed.

The default message of her childhood that “it’s not okay to have her own needs” led her to repress her own needs and prioritize others’ needs losing her value and identity along the way. She centered more on others missing the triangle of relationship that is founded in God’s love so she can love God with all her heart, soul, mind and strength (Mark 12:30-31)

Spirit Circle

Starting to relate to Jesus as her personal Lord and Savior and not experiencing yet how she can cast her burden upon Him. Oftentimes, she needed to be facilitated to walk her journey and understand the transformation God is doing using her deep pains.

 GLG’s journey will be marked by learning to uproot lies stemming from negative childhood experiences by entrenching God’s truth to live free from past wounds. Although this entails a crucial process, the goals and plans of interventions will be discussed and employ not only the 5 circles, but the entirety of CWF.

I am still a beginner and a trainee in terms of adapting CWF into my counseling practice but through supervision and collaboration with the LW community, GLG will discover and settled of “who she is” in God being her center.

The Power of the Triangle:

Developing God-Centered Relationships

By Karen Grace Paul

The Triangle of Connection creates a powerful bond between God, others, and ourselves. God is at the center of this triangle, connecting us to those we invite into therapeutic relationships. In this sacred space, we invite others to speak to God, express their emotions, and pause to listen in His presence. This simple yet profound approach keeps us present with Him, cultivating peace and connection.

This Triangle of Connection is an useful tool for developing strong, enduring relationships. We begin with God as our Source, allowing His love to flow through us and into others. His love anchors these interactions, forming bonds of hope that can withstand even the most difficult challenges.

This divine connection serves as a strong, three-fold cord, providing the stability and strength required for healing relationships. Within this connection, love flows in two directions: from God through us to others, and in mutual giving and receiving. Drawing on God’s strength keeps all relationships balanced, healthy, and whole. This dynamic relationship, known as the trialogue, entails a transformative conversation in which we invite others to talk to God, finding freedom and rest in His presence. In a trialogue, God plays an active role, allowing us to linger in His presence and seek His guidance. It’s more than just speaking; it’s about making room for God to speak into our lives. Engaging in a trialogue allows us to form deeper connections by sharing our thoughts, fears, and hopes with God and one another while seeking His wisdom. 

This shared experience fosters unity and purpose, as we look to God for guidance and understanding. The impact of these trialogues is enormous. When we linger in God’s presence, and listen for His voice, we gain clarity, peace, and a renewed purpose. This not only changes our lives, but it also affects the lives of those we bring into the conversation. 

Bringing others into a space where God’s voice is central allows them to experience transformation and growth. Regular trialogues strengthen our faith, deepen our relationships, and inspire us to live more intentionally.

Over time, we become more aware of God’s presence and willing to follow His guidance. Time spent with others, inviting them to engage in trialogue with God, creates opportunities for deeper conversations, softens hearts, and brings profound healing.

The Triangle of Connection serves as a conduit for others to encounter God. Trialogues help us and others develop deeper, more meaningful relationships with God, others, and ourselves. I hope we embrace this powerful approach every day, allowing God’s love to guide our interactions and transform our lives one conversation at a time.

Healing that comes from a Christ-centred attitude to Evaluation

By Geok Cheng

I consider myself a reflective person. Due to my rather difficult childhood, somehow quite naturally, I began the habit of thinking through and recounting the incidences (i.e self-reflection) I faced ‒ to try to make sense out of it.

Gradually, as I reflected, I realised that I also evaluated (i.e judging what worked and/or what didn’t from that reflected experience) myself and the circumstances I was in. The scripture by Paul in 2 Corinthians 13:5 “Examine yourselves, to see whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves… ” has become my life guiding principle. Selfreflection and self-evaluation are now my innate nature.

The Christian Wholeness Framework (CWF), comprising the 5 shapes and 5 steps, has certainly given me a clearer and a more structured way for self-reflection and self-evaluation.

The Triangle directs me to evaluate my relationship with my heavenly Father, my shepherd and Lord Jesus Christ, the Holy Spirit who is my counsellor and helper, and also my relationship with others. It directs me to examine how strong or weak the relationship has been and how it has grown or weakened through time.

The Circle takes me to a deeper level of examining how I have been relating and responding to God and others. The circle is like a compass showing me where to look at.

The Square forces me to be honest with myself ‒ if my response to God and people, in good or difficult times at the various sectors of my circle, were selfcentred or God-centred.

The Cross is the ‘home-base’ I would return to regardless the struggle I am in. No matter how weak or reluctant I might be, I will always find His grace to press on moving towards His ways for me, towards the right side of the square.

The Pyramid directs me to find the right source of help and support I need such as prayer, tangible help or resources. Sometimes, the pyramid helps me to recognise if the person whom I truggle with should be in my pyramid of support.

While the shapes and the steps are helpful in the process of evaluation, I realise (especially after learning CWF) that the attitudes i.e Face (F), Vulnerability (V) and Humility (H), are key towards having a spirit-led and truth-based evaluation of myself. The shapes and the steps shows us ‘how’ to evaluate but the attitudes FVH determines my posture that I take in the evaluation process.

My Attitude Journey

Last year, I was badly hurt and unjustly accused by a close friend. While we ended the conversation amicably, I knew I was deeply wounded.

I reflected on the sharing and could not quite get out of my own emotional turmoil I was in. The thought that my truthful and loving feedback was received as rebuke (she was offended), stirred a huge guilt and regret within me. I was burying myself below the water line and on the left side of ‘the square’ for awhile. It was only until I met my Lord Jesus and talked to Him about it (return to ‘home-base’), that gradually I was mentally able to evaluate the incident.

Face

The moment I met my Lord in prayers, His loving presence so embraced me that I broke down in tears. I finally faced the hurt and talked to Him about it. I no longer dwelt in my own emotions but had enough courage and strength to talk through the issue with my Lord. After a good cry in His presence, the Light of Christ simply shone into my heart and led me to review my feedback objectively. I realised that I had approached the feedback with care, love and much prayer. The evaluation of myself was shifted from man’s perspective to God’s perspective. I began to see what I needed to take responsibility for and what the accusations were.

Jerry Bridges, a Christian author, said, “We should never be afraid to examine ourselves. But when doubts do arise, the solution is not to try harder to prove to ourselves that we are believers. The solution is to flee to the Cross and to the righteousness of Christ, which is our only hope. And then, having looked to Christ alone for our justification, we can look to His Spirit to enable us to deal with those areas of our lives that cause doubt.”

Indeed, when I returned to the Cross and looked to Christ, His spirit enabled me to ‘face’ the issue courageously and His Light directed me out of the woods, I found clarity of mind through His Light. The evaluation of myself was not based on man’s response but by His written and spoken Word.

When we evaluate together with the Lord, His grace provides us with the capacity and courage to ‘Face’ ourselves and all that has happened in the event. His Light brings clarity that we may see and assess all things based on His Word. His truth becomes the standard on which the evaluation should be based on; it should never be based on man’s responses or expectations or the values and standards of this world.

Vulnerability

It was a painful process to ‘face’ my hurt. Though I know our Lord is with me every time I poured out my soul and bared my heart openly and fully the emotions within me, it was just so unbearable. Though those moments were simply difficult to go through, yet His ever consoling spirit pressed in upon me to give me sufficient grace to hang in there with Him. The Lord lovingly drew out deeper and deeper inner thoughts and feelings I had that was buried deep within me. While I felt so vulnerable and ‘exposed’ before my Lord with all my ugliness and weaknesses, the greater the grace I had to persevere through. I was naked before my Lord and my whole self was laid open for His access and for His healing in me.

The world does not esteem vulnerability as a strength. However, there is safety in Jesus when we are vulnerable. He is the safe refuge we can run to. As we become vulnerable before our Lord, we open up ourselves to His perspectives and understanding, thereby allowing ourselves to be healed, restored and realigned ourselves to His ways.

Humility

Being vulnerable certainly go against the natural grain of my whole being. The strong and steady persona I once had, seemed to vanish as Jesus takes His healing deeper. I was humbled mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

Just when I felt the pain was dissipating away, my Lord asked me gently if I would surrender this friendship totally to Him. Immediately I knew that God was revealing to me that the importance I had placed in this friendship surpassed that of Christ.

James 4:10 says “Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.” (NIV). My Lord wants to lift me up and I have to learn to humbly recognise that nothing can be more important than Him in my heart. He desires to strengthen me so that I may be blameless and holy before Him (1 Thessalonians 3:13).

As I surrender this friendship to Jesus, Romans 5:20 “. . . where sin increased, grace abounded all the more . .” (ESV) suddenly became so real. The freedom that came from His gracious lift was felt so intimately as I obediently submit this friendship to Him daily.

Louie Giglio, the founder of the Passion Movement once said that “Humility is not a character trait to develop, it’s the natural byproduct of being with Jesus.” Humility comes as we remain connected with Jesus our Lord. He increases and I decrease.

The attitude of Humility in the Evaluation step directs us to look beyond ourselves and beyond all human judgement. He humbles us as we remain connected with Him. The entire self-evaluation no longer centres on ‘I’ but what He has to reveal.

What is Evaluation

Through this healing journey with my Lord, I discovered that besides the use of the 5 shapes and 5 steps to direct my reflection and evaluation, the attitude I possess to approach the evaluation ultimately determines the clarity and depth of the process.

Only our Creator God is well acquainted with our ways (Psalms 139:1-4, Proverbs 21:2) and He weighs our human heart.

The clarity and objectivity of our evaluation stems not on man’s understanding and certainly not based on man’s established standards. Only His truth sheds light and brings forth an unbiased evaluation that is truly constructive, life giving and life-building.

Conclusion

When Jesus is with us in the Evaluation step, there is true freedom and absolute objectivity when we face courageously our circumstances and ourselves. We need not fear when we choose to be vulnerable before our loving Lord. Most of all, being humbled by our Lord means He is going to lift us up. There is no shame as we face our fallen nature, our sins and our wrongs in His loving presence. He humbles us without crushing us and He lifts us up.

As Brennan Manning says, “take God’s evaluation of yourself instead of your own, and God expects even more failure from you than you do!”

Certainly, He knows our fallen nature but He is here to redeem us into His likeness.

I praise God for His healing grace.

The Engage Step

By Amanda Barclay

I would like to share with you how important the Engage Step and the pyramid practically are for me: in my own life, in the small group (for vulnerable women) that I co-facilitate and anytime I connect with a person who is under the water level.

When I meet with a person and they share with me, that they are really struggling in life, I am often the first person that they have shared this with. To ensure their safety and that I am not the only one supporting them, I try to make sure, ideally in the first meeting, that they have at least someone else in their pyramid. Once we have achieved enough safety and connection in the conversation, I often skip from the U step straight to the engage other help step as.

In Australia, I have found that the easiest place to start in helping someone   build their pyramid is often in the professional work corner: The first step usually is that I make sure they have a general practitioner they can trust. If this is not the case and the person has depression for example, I have in the past assisted them in finding a good GP and in getting a referral to a specialist or counsellor.

I am continually collecting names and contact details of psychiatrists, psychologists and counsellors that have been recommended to me.

I am aware that in some other countries it would be a lot harder to help someone build their professional corner due to the lack of mental health professionals.

The next step would be to help them access the local church and people helper’s corners:

I also give them the contacts available based on their most pressing needs: To help me in doing this, I am actively collecting information on the range of help different churches in our area offer. Every church or para-church organization has their specific focus and strength in their outreach and are able to offer assistance in different areas: for instance some offer free food, others offer support groups for divorcees. In doing this I think we can really see that there is such power in working in unity as the Church. I see this unity beautifully expressed in the Living Wholeness community.

Building the Family and friends’ corner: by giving someone an overview of the steps and the principles of SAFETY the quality and depth their everyday relationships are inhanced.

Top of the pyramid: The women in our small group often struggle to see God as a safe person, either because they haven’t had a safe earthly father (alcohol addiction, abuse or neglect etc) or some of the preaching or even how they themselves read the Bible (through the glasses of their hurt and pain) has made them feel like God is condemning. Unfortunately, there are people in church that don’t understand that salvation, forgiveness and prayer don’t heal everything immediately and that there is such a thing as God centred suffering. This can make church an unsafe place for hurting people. In the safety of our small group the woman can learn that God is safe, but this can take years or may be a lifelong journey.

In our small group we had to support women go through the complicated process of applying for social security payments, so they had the funds needed to access professional support. In Australia, this process is complex and overwhelming/impossible for someone with mental illness to complete. The support and advocacy needed for this is sadly lacking.

Again, I am aware that in many countries there is no social security available.

I am also aware of how important it is for me to be the recipient and to proactively build my own pyramid. I am blessed to have a good pyramid of safe people in most corners.

The area that we as group facilitators have found the hardest to get is adequate support and supervision from pastoral care.

I have also really struggled with the lack of awareness at church and in society in general for how hard living with mental illness or supporting a family member with mental illness can be.

This again points to importance of the pyramid and the amazing work of Living Wholeness!!

Being on the Respond Step with God

By Sharon Khoo

Looking at the Respond step, we see that there are many elements there for the purpose of our growth in Christ, for the influence of the Gospel. The Cross & Combi-Shape are 2 shapes that stand out, along with the key words ‘to grow’, ‘Influence for the gospel’, ‘C.H.A.N.G.E.’, Therapeutic Map, and tools like Trialogue & Tennis.

I remember a time when all the above items were real and present for me, as I was responding to God, in my worst pain and suffering. I was suffering from Clinical Depression, beneath underwater in the square, and needed some help and deliverance to say the least! I was a self-Centred victim (right side, bottom, square), not yet a God-Centred Victor (left side). 

That was the space and time in my life that I felt like I had no choice but to turn to the Cross – my first response to God. I called out to God in my psychological overwhelm of pain and despair, and found myself met by the Presence, Person and Provision of Jesus Himself (some wonderful ‘Ps’ or gifts that we find at the Cross), during my inner healing and deliverance sessions with my pastoral counselor whom I saw for many years in my healing journey. 

This Holy space of meeting Jesus in the underbelly of my suffering, can be likened to being at the Home position for our heart, right beside the cross in the Combi-shape. Through this experiential knowledge of God, I found that He comes down to our lowest levels of suffering, doesn’t just meet us there as Immanuel, but responds to us at our deepest, darkest pain here as we respond to Him too. Just like Jesus talks about rescuing the one lost (or broken & vulnerable) sheep in Luke 15:4-7. Or in Psalm 23:4, where though we walk through the darkest valley, our Good Shepherd is with us, comforting us with His rod & staff.

Here, in this home position, I played tennis & Trialogue regularly with God and Jesus. Wrestling with Them over tough inevitable questions I needed answers to (albeit with much blind rage and ignorance) like, “Why did you do this to me (& my F.O.O.) God?”, “How could you be good and still allow such bad and harm, evil and violence come my way against my will, as a child who is vulnerable no less?”, and, “What were you thinking, letting your own son die when you could slay the devil & end all this madness & evil Yourself instead? Are you mad?”

Well, God always has His own wisdom & response to ours, especially when we are throwing them unkindly, wrongly or blindly at Him, to say the least. And I thank HIM that He was able to more than graciously forgive me for my serious shortcomings, love me in my severely broken state & naïveté as a child who not only needed to heal but to be properly educated in my faith about God & grow up in Christlike maturity (as is a purpose of the Respond step).

In my or any of our initial poor response to Him, I Thank God, for His better one. For not condemning me but responding back in great kindness, understanding, wisdom, undeserved grace and unconditional love as a Father who is Bigger, Better, Wiser & Kinder. He gave me the answers I needed, convicted me that He understood where I was coming from and that He was really ok. And more than ok, He was going to help me be ok too. He is and always will be good, to all of us as humanity, despite our broken, sinful nature & the evil nature of the enemy.

I thank Jesus too, for being the Wounded Healer & Best Friend I needed, identifying with all of my flaws, pain, brokenness and iniquities, saving me too, from my own kind of painful insanity. Needless to say, our God who is more than able, responded back in love to me at this R step, with all the answers He knew I needed, with time playing more trialogue and tennis with Him over some years. That included His answers to my earlier questions. It was finally not just a one-way conversation I previously had as a child & teen with God, but a 2-way, even three-way connection, with the presence of my counselor too, helping the responding, healing and growth process – much like the nature of the triangle. 

At the end of traveling this therapeutic map of having quality pastoral & professional counseling, inner healing, deliverance and more (I chose to receive clinical counseling and therapy such as seeing a Psychologist and Psychiatrist too, which God worked for my eventual good of wholistic healing. And is one wholistic therapeutic map I thoroughly recommend and encourage my own clients who desire to overcome mental illness to take in my pastoral counseling practice), I found myself transformed. God delivered me out of deep waters. 

I moved from the left self-Centred side to the right God-Centred side of the square, to be above water level with & in Christ. ‘C.H.A.N.G.E.’ happened. I was … 

Challenged to be more like Christ daily, Heightened in my knowledge & understanding of why God allows suffering and sickness in the world, 

Affirmed in many countless ways by other healthy people & God in the area of overcoming evil with good (Romans 12:21), New Ways of being more healthy & whole, not just happier, such as having healthy boundaries & imitating Christ, 

Growth in character was a definite in this process of responding to God, and I was Empowered to forgive, love again, and walk out of the dark fog of depression & bitterness, after 22 years of bearing with & healing from this unwanted dis-ease. 

Fast forward 10 years later & only by His great grace, I thank God that I am more than an Overcomer & Victor in Christ (Romans 8:37). My humbled response to God out of an overwhelmingly grateful & transformed heart, is that I choose to love & live for Him daily. To put God first and foremost in my life, and to obey His commandments, especially His greatest one (Mark 13:30-31); with full devotion & commitment to be more like His son. To love and serve others too, with a desire to make Him known, by sharing the good that He is and offers to us all, while we still live life on earth, this other side of Heaven. As His Missionary, Pastoral Counselor, guest speaker and the author of the book, ‘Hope in Despair’ – God’s story of how He got me out of Clinical Depression, Complex Trauma and Abuse – I am responding to God by using these roles to be an influence for the Gospel by sharing with others the good news & hope of Christ, in the midst of mental illness & suffering. All because He responded to me, and I too, was desperate enough to respond to God. Truly, God is worthy of our response to love, honor and worship Him, even in deepest pain and darkest suffering. (Job’s response to God & Jesus’ submission to His Father before, during & at the cross, comes to mind here too as further greater examples.) 

So, the ‘Respond to God’ step? It is definitely a broken but beautiful place to be in. And though everyone’s state of being at this step might be similar or different depending on how you are responding to God and what you are coming to Him for, so much powerful and positive C.H.A.N.G.E. can happen here, with Jesus. God responds to us when we turn to Him, no matter what state we’re in. But we too, need to make our choice if we want to respond to Him or not. 

In closing, perhaps one question we can take away from this is – What might you find relevant, to Grow or Respond in today, in your response to God towards greater healing or wholeness, at this time of your life? 

God, the wonderfully good author & perfecter of your faith and life bless you as you ponder, wonder, wrestle & respond, with Jesus. He loves & cares for you.

To God be the Glory.

Understanding Through the Square and Circles

By JP

In the Christian Wholeness Framework, we have 5 steps where the second step is the ‘understand step.’ The details of the understand step can be seen above.

Once a person feels connected [feels S-A-F-E-T-Y, safe and healthy attachment, attended, accompanied and attuned to], we can very easily go on to the second step, the understanding step, to be known. Once a person feels loved, the next thing a person wants is to be known.

Timothy Keller writes “To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial.”

As John Warlow writes ‘We need to know accurately to understand each other well. The five circles and the square facilitate profound and wholistic knowing. To understand is to know. When the truth of someone’s story is heard and accepted, it truly facilitates deep healing.’ There is so much to understand in this world, about ourselves, other people and about God! Where do we begin? A good place to start is the square.

In the square, as Christians, our goal is to be God centred, regardless if we are flourishing or suffering. We seek to understand ourselves.

• How can we be God centred?
• How can we stay God centred?
• What pulls us to the left side?

I find the square is useful for simple yet deep understanding of our behaviours but also looking deeper our intentions. What pulls me away to the left side of the square? Is it pride, being in control, greed, materialism, saviour complex, anger, coveting, lust or things not going the way we planned? It could be a lot of things and at any season it can be different things or relationships or even people!

To answer these questions thoroughly and grasp a deeper understanding of ourselves, we need to learn to understand ourselves by being curious, reflecting, being aware, noticing and exploring. We can do this through looking at the circles.

We can explore our social circle (relationships, with God, with other people, with ourselves).

• Who are the people in our lives?
• Which relationships are important to me at this stage of life?

We can explore what is happening in our mind circle?

• What is it that gives us volition [motivation]?
• What makes us in a happy, sad, angry mood?

What is happening in my physical circle?

• What is happening to my soma? (body/sleep/diet/exercise)
• What are the reasons I behave the way I do?

What is happening in my heart circle?

• What/who is my centre?
• What/who gives me hope?
• How do I feel loved?
• Who am I?

What is happening in my spirit circle?

Remembering, God looks at our hearts (1 Samuel 16:7), “For the Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

As we seek to understand ourselves through the square and circles, I am reminded to be gracious to ourselves. As we learn to understand ourselves, others and God, we can learn to imitate Jesus. To understand ourselves is a life long journey but with God and others, it is journey worth taking.

Being with God

A practice of being with God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit

By JP

In the Christian Wholeness Framework, we have 5 steps where the first step is ‘the connect step.’

From the picture above, we can see that part of the connect step is this idea of ‘accompany’ which means ‘being with’. There are so many different ways to connect/’be with’ with God.

Some people connect with God through the Scriptures, nature, journaling, music, sports, arts, fellowship and many through coffee/tea! Our God is a God who loves to be with us and connect with us. His promises to us in Matthew 28:20 (‘And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age’) and Hebrews 13:6 (be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”)

One of the ways that I find connecting with the Triune God is through centring prayer. The name might be a little different to what you might think it is or looks like. Essentially it is a way of being with God through awareness of your body, mind and hopefully spirit too!

The benefits of centring prayer which I have experienced is: an experience of being with God rather than knowledge of God, a deeper sense of his presence in my life, peace and calmness, the essence of being present and practicing listening to His voice.

This has transformed my relationship with God through experience which has given me a deeper trust in Him, recognizing He is control, experiencing his love for me and strengthening my identity in Him.

When I do this practice, I realise I am calmer, and therefore harder for me to become angry, anchored in who I am and not swayed by what others say or the situation around me and it is easier for me to be fully present and aware.

To do this, first you will need to find a quiet place and position where you feel comfortable. For me this is usually in the living room either sitting on the couch or on the floor. Next you can do this eyes closed if that you find it helpful. The next step is to focus on your breathing.

Breathe in for 4 seconds, hold for 2 seconds if possible and then breathe out for 4 seconds. 

As you breathe in, hold and breathe out, it helps your mind if you can think of something related to God, for example, as you breathe in you can say in your head ‘Je’ and as you breathe out ‘sus’ or you can think of a promise of God, such as ‘God is with me’, ‘Jesus loves me’ or another bible verse or bible truth. As you breathe, it is natural for other thoughts to come in and distract you or things that you need to do. If there is something that really needs to be done and you want to remember it, you can write it down and then go back to breathing. As you get distracted, acknowledge it and then turn your thoughts back to the Triune God. This process is normal and as you do it more, you will find it easier to turn your thoughts back to the Triune God.

You could start this practice for 2-3 minutes once or twice a day and then build up to 20minutes once a day. Through this exercise I have found it helpful for my body to be aware of my body, my mind and my spirit. It has helped me to experience God rather than just knowledge. It helps to spend time with God, experiencing him and bringing transformation. I would encourage you to give it a try.

So my question is to you is, ‘How do you connect/’be with’ with God?’ I would love to know and share in the LW community. Let us know in the comments below.

Living Wholeness Community

The vision of Living Wholeness Community

Dr. John Warlow

Dietrich Bonhoeffer describes the test of true community.

“Has the fellowship served to make the individual free, strong, and mature, or has it made him weak and dependent? Has it taken him by the hand for a while in order that he may learn again to walk by himself, or has it made him uneasy and unsure? This is one of the most searching and critical questions that can be put to any Christian fellowship.”

In Living wholeness our desire is to ensure that our relationships and the community that we share passes this test. We are bound together in the love of God, supporting, caring for one another but ultimately to guide everyone to become the person whom God desires them to be.

“And provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendour.” Isaiah 61:3

Oaks of righteousness is a wonderful image of what we are to become, deeply rooted in our relationship with God, displaying His attributes as He lives in and through us. It also depicts the journey of transformation that we have been through in our lives marred with challenges, sorrow, loss, and despair. When we are rooted in Him, we will bear fruit providing shelter and comfort to those in need.

The Living Wholeness (LW) mission statement develops the understanding of our God-centred transformation bearing fruit. “The LWC is a community of people who learn, live and give the Christian Wholeness Framework (CWF) leading to God centred transformation (GCT)and growth of the whole body of Christ through the whole gospel, by the whole church, to the whole person in the whole community, through our services, training, products, research, infrastructure and prayer communities.”

Living Wholenessis a Christian community – a group of people who share a common vision and calling from God, and live and work together with Him to see this happen. Living from a full God centred heartof care and value, respect and honour, choice and encouragement, humility, and attuned, being open and vulnerable. We are changed as we grow together and as the body of Christ change the world.

We are a community who shares these values to build stronger connections through honesty, vulnerability in safety. We value diversity and respect our cultural differences. We endeavour to establish strategic partnerships and broadening networks so that we can work more effectively together to proclaim His Kingdom.

The Christian Wholeness Framework (CWF)undergirds our values and vision, the method and common language we share, which indeed has changed our lives for so much better, drawing us closer to Him, and to those whom we reach out to our colleagues, students, clients, neighbours, communities, societies, nations, regions.  We know that it is in giving that we receive. It is in our weaknesses that His strength is seen most.

God centred transformation:

If we consider John 15, Jesus outlines what it means for us to be grafted into His body and receive the nourishment of His roots firmly planted in the Father we can bear fruit. We will continue to be pruned by God so that we will become even more fruitful for His glory.

Abiding in Christ	We draw near to Christ, He lives in and through us, this is expressed through our lives personally and out to all our relationships.
Grow in
Intimacy (Love God)	Remain in Jesus, Remain in His love; He is the vine you are the branches – how is your abiding?
Imitate (Love one another)	Obey His commands – lay down your lives for each other – how is your caring for each other, and self?
Influence (Be fruitful)	Have dominion… go into all the world… love others beyond our community by serving and teaching counselling – how is your serving? How can we serve and empower you to fulfil your calling in life?
Growing in God	He is our source, our centre, our home/foundation, our goal, and the head of our community (as illustrated by the shapes).

The CWF is founded on the Bible, old and new testaments. This is well described in John Warlow’s CURE for Life Book 3. Essentially the LW community is founded on the God of the Word, and the Word of God. It is founded on God the Father, Jesus the Son, and the Holy Spirit, and being in living real relationship with each of these elements of the Trinity.

LW as a Flourishing Community

We walk the CUREe steps with each other.

Connecting in SAFETY building trust, being invitational and attuned to each other. (Mark 12:30, 31).

Seek always to Understanding the other, knowing the other/s. (John 13:34).

Responding as appropriate and with the goal of empowering and facilitating the other/s to live top right corner as much as possible. We are serving from a position where God works through us to bring others to God-centred change.

Engaging help often, seeking others to assist to build team and empower newer people. 

Evaluating the progress periodically as we walk together, including being able to have mature grace filled conversations, celebrating the positives but also being able to face any difficult issues together.

“Get into shape” and to grow one’s T.A.S.K, as illustrated in the shapes of the

• Triangle (“God be my source”)
• Circles (“God be my centre”)
• Square (“God be my goal”)
• Shape of the Cross (“God my home and my foundation”)
• Pyramid (“God be our head”)

The Shapes

Triangle

LW community members seek a deepened relationship with God, others, and themselves. Knowing that this happens best in long term safe relationships LW community members will generally have a safe prayer partner, SAP group, or T group, or somewhere they know they themselves can come easily safely without scorn or criticism to process personal issues.

Circles

Spirit

LW community are a people of change, who pray for change in circumstances, and as such hold keys to making history, as they keep the history of the world before the Throne of Grace.

LW members are strong in prayer remembering God’s strength, His love, His grace, His kindness, His healing power, His capacity to work miracles, and His awesome power which can kick in on the cusp when hope is fading. 

The so-called God gap – where without God there would certainly be nothing/disaster/failure is well known in the LW community.

In other words, but for God being with us, nothing of eternal value will really happen here. Only He is good, and His love endures forever.

Our connection with God is central to our faith and is obviously an essential aspect of life in the LW community. Every member is encouraged to develop that their awareness of the Holy Spirit in their lives. We encourage the expression of the spiritual gifts but also focus allowing the Holy Spirit to lead and guide us as be draw near to God. The Spirit is our mediator and as we become more attuned to hear God speak in our lives we will strengthen our faith. As a community we believe very much in the power of prayer and bringing our plans and petitions before God in prayer. We encourage the community to seek God’s leading and prayer into situations impacting the LW community. We desire to be in tune with His will and seek His guidance on all that we do.

Heart

Living in a fallen world, we know where to go when we are alone, we fail, we lose hope, we are tempted to fight flight or fake, and when our weaknesses are well in view of others and self. We move to the source of all joy and hope, love, and peace, to the God who loves us and knows us by name.

We are to take responsibility, be optimistic, and hope filled. We know who we are, we know our purpose and calling, we know our identity even in Christ.  And we know above and beyond all things we are loved by the gracious merciful kind and wonderful God who made us in His own image.

We are to have a sense of God is my centre, my axis of rotation, my purpose. My life, my first, and He deserves my whole self. Now and forever.

As LW community members we are to seek to address personal trigger points or newly emerged or recurrent issues within ourselves and/or with others by gentle kind facing and forgiving. We also have fun!

Mind

Just as LW community members hold healthy physical habits, so they seek to establish and hold healthy mind habits, processing thoughts and emotions in mature ways. In Community we are encouraged to spur each other on in our faith and renewing of our minds. Part of this is also to develop the gifting in each of us. We endeavour to assist in establishing co-labours gifts and abilities to train, supervise and innovate new programmes to further God’s kingdom.

Physical

Holding healthy habits, lifestyle, communicating clearly with one another, serving one another, seeking to bless those whom we counsel, teach, and lead at all times.

Social

LW community members hold dear the TASK principal and as such seek personal growth and transformation. Living in healthy flourishing real relationship with friends and family; local and other churches and brothers and sisters, often cross culturally, with other lay and pastoral counsellors, and with coaches, mentors, counsellors, supervisors, researchers, product developers and teachers.

Square

As LW community members we should know the square well, we are aware of suffering and flourishing. We can sense when we are under the waterline, they know life under and above the waterline, and are not afraid to leave their position above the water to assist those below, or on the left. We hold on to the truth of our “Home base” at the foot of the cross, where we can return again and again repentant and seeking forgiveness. We are assured of the restoration and renewal through the sacrifice of the Cross and how in Christ we can live once again top right, God-centred and flourishing.

Cross

Living a life secure in our identity knowing that God is our loving creator, Jesus died to Save us, and we are filled with the Holy Spirit our enabler.

Pyramid

Our LW community lives by the pyramid. We are humble and gentle, seeking to help, and seeking help, when appropriate, all under the guidance of Father in heaven. We seek to serve others as an individual but more often seek to engage the healing community we partner with to assist the transformation and growth of others.

God-centred

And so, we seek to glorify His name, not our own fame, fortune, or somehow better future. We seek His will and His purposes and His plans to eventuate. We delight in His invitation to us to be engaged in this LW community and work for a moment in the history of the world. But it is all for Him, to Him, with Him, because of Him, that we are even able to articulate, let alone live, this vision for the LW community.

Let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near. Heb 10:22-25

In conclusion, this passage reflects the pattern for our Living Wholeness Community with three clear instructions. Let us draw near with a true heart, let us hold fast and let us stir one another to good works. We are journeying together encouraged and challenged towards God-centred transformation through a greater understanding of ourselves and God through the CWF. May we continue to see much fruit in our lives and in the areas, we serve, seeing lives restored and transformed fulfilling His Mission of redemption. May this community of brothers and sisters all over the world grow stronger and stronger.